


The Masks We Hide Behind

by Moonstone_Kat



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I lied, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Langst, More like Space Dad Coran, Nice Coran, Psychological Coma, Seventh Wheel, Sorry Shiro, Space Uncle Coran?, Suicidal Thoughts, Tumblr, actually, came from a prompt i saw and wanted to write, i think, my poor baby, there is comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-21 04:02:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13732731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonstone_Kat/pseuds/Moonstone_Kat
Summary: "'Holy shit Lance,' Hunk curses. 'You're barely standing. What the hell happened?'The paladins can only stare in shock as tears run down Lane’s bloodied face and they hear his broken whisper-'So now I matter?'"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of a prompt I found... Maybe from tumblr? Anyhow, I wanted to read more, but couldn't find it, so here we are.

It started earlier this morning, when they had gotten ambushed by the Galra. Their ships had been modified so that they were able to hide within dark zones, but still able to retain navigation and targeting systems. They didn’t show on the Castle’s radars, so the Galra fleet went unnoticed until the Castle was attacked.

 

The Paladins had to scramble to make it to their lions. The Castle’s shield were already failing by the time they got out into open space. From there, it was a hard battle. They were outnumbered and unprepared.

 

Hunk and Pidge worked well together. They made sure to watch each others backs. Hunk rammed into the ships, taking down many at once, while Pidge darted from ship to ship, taking them down in rapid succession. They worked in unison, covering each other when needed, staying close throughout the fight. Pidge used her stealth to attack from behind groups, and Hunk would ram over to her, and then they would fight their way back through the fray.

 

Keith was like a firestorm. He rapidly demolished his opponents, leaving burning wreckage behind as he whirled to face the next ones. His lion was unbeatable when it came to speed. None of the ships could keep up with him, so he flew fast and far before whipping around and firing. He was unpredictable, making it hard for ships to corner him.

 

Shiro was a wrecking ball. With his jawblade, he only had to fly past the ships. There was no need for strength, only stealth. He rose up unnoticed, despite his lion’s large size, beside ships, before slashing through dozens of them at once. He was target number one for the Galra, but try as they might, they could not destroy him. He brought an end to any who came near. He gave a few commands to the paladins, but mostly let them focus on their own battles.

 

Everyone was doing so well, and Lance wished he could say he was doing as well, but he wasn’t. For some reason, the Galra teamed up on him. He shot lasers and ice, but more ships rose to take their ranks. He tried fighting his way through to some of the other paladins, but was pushed back. The only thing he could do was run and shoot, and soon, he wouldn’t be able to run either. The amount of space he had to maneuver was quickly disappearing.

 

“Shiro!” Lance called, “I need backup!”

 

“Take care of it yourself, Lance.” Shiro grunted, firing at one of the command ships.

 

“Shiro-”

 

“You should be able to take care of it yourself!”

 

“C’mon Shiro. I _need_ backup.”

 

“As a paladin, you should be able to deal with it.”

 

“Hunk,” Lance tried, “Help me?”

 

“You need to focus, Lance,” Hunk scolds.

 

“But-”

 

“Hunk’s right,” Keith cuts in, “You need to stop messing around.”

 

“Guys, I really need help.” Lance was getting overrun. He was desperate. If he didn’t get help...

 

“You should be able to deal with it,” Pidge growled, “If you’re unable to handle it, then why are you out here? We have our own fights to deal with, and we can’t protect you every single time we fight. That’d just drag us down.”

 

The comms crackled off, and Lance realized that Allura shut him out of the communication system. Lance felt it like a blow to the gut. The team abandoned him. The back of his mind told him that no, they wouldn’t _actually_ abandon him, but they did. They left Lance, who pleaded for help, completely on his own.

 

Lance felt betrayed. He felt angry and upset. He was abandoned, and if he couldn’t get out, he was done for.

 

He threw caution to the wind. There was no longer any point to worrying about his life. He needed to go all out if he was going to survive. That meant taking hits, returning hits, and only worrying about himself. He couldn’t afford to think about avoiding injury. He might get hurt, but was better than being dead. If he even slipped up once, he would die.

 

“Sorry, Blue,” he apologized, “This might be it.”

 

“ _I'_ _ll be with you every step of the way, little one,_ ” she answered.

 

Lance closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. Blue would protect him until they merged. He let his thoughts leave his mind, and focused on his bond with Blue. He pulled at his end, at she at hers, until they met in the middle. When Lance opened his eyes again, he and Blue had merged.

 

They fought viciously. Their laser fired almost nonstop. They slammed into ships, clawing them apart. They were determined to survive, to make it out.

 

There were countless Galra ships between them and the rest of the paladins-lions. They needed to break through to join the others. They and the others needed to form Voltron. If they didn’t, the paladins-lions would get overwhelmed. They were certain that if Voltron was not formed, none of them would survive.

 

They clawed, bit, and shot their way out of the mass of ships. They saw clear space in front of them, but that did not matter. Galra were still after Them. They searched for the paladins-lions in front of Them, but none were there. They turned around. The paladins-lions were on the other side of the Galra fleet. They came out on the wrong side.

 

They swooped under the fleet. They didn’t need to fight their way through. They only needed to reach the other paladins-lions. Galra flew after them, but the ships where to slow, too far away.

 

They reached the other paladins-lions, and They became Lance and Blue again.

 

“Where were you!” Keith snaped.

 

“I was-”

 

“We can discuss this later,” Shiro cuts in. “We need to form Voltron.”

 

Lance frowned. They didn’t let him speak. But then again, they didn’t listen to him earlier either. With difficulty, he pushed this thought to the back of his mind, alongside the team’s abandonment of him. They needed to form Voltron, and to do so they needed to be completely synchronized with each other. Lance couldn’t mess this up too.

 

The minds of the paladins melded, the lions combined, and then they were Voltron. After that, it was fairly easy to finish off the Galra. They used Hunk’s bayard to take care of all the small ships, and then Keith’s sword to finish off the Galra command ships. Just like that, the battle was over. The paladins and lions seperated, and they headed back to the castle.

 

Lance lingered out in space a while longer. He didn’t want to face anyone. He didn’t want to face the team.

 

In that moment, Lance longed for it to be just him, Blue, and the stars.

 

* * *

 

Lance sits alone in Blue. It’s been a few hours since the battle ended, and his mind is dragging him down. It looks like today’s the day that his insecurities smack him upside the head with a metal baseball bat.

 

Lance is still angry at everyone for abandoning him, but… he gets it. He’s dragging the team down. Pidge is the tech genius. Keith is the golden child. Shiro’s the leader. Hunk is their cook. Coran is the mechanic. Allura is the diplomat.

 

And Lance? Lance is just there. He’s deadweight. Worthless. Useless.

 

Blue purrs in the back of his mind, trying to comfort him. She knows that he’s feeling sad, and she doesn't want her paladin to feel this way.

 

“I’m not useful, Blue,” he says quietly, his voice breaking, “There’s nothing special about me. Nothing unique. I’m easily replaceable.”

 

“Y _ou are_ not _,_ ” Blue growls, “ _And if anyone tries, they should not expect help from me_.”

 

“But it’s true. You know it. I know it. The team knows it. I always fall behind so fast. It’s a wonder that they haven’t kicked me out already.” Lance pulls his legs up onto the seat, and curls his arms around his legs.

 

He’s slowly falling apart. Every little thing that happens adds to the weight that comes with his insecurities and depression. He doesn't know how much longer he can hold out. His heart is covered in cracks and bruises. The team’s recent abandonment of him left quite a big hole in his already shattering heart.

 

“ _Little one,_ ” Blue soothes, “ _You do not fall behind. You do just as well as the rest of them._ ”

 

“Yeah? Like what.”

 

“ _You do well at shooting. You excel at it._ ”

 

“Any idiot can learn to fire a gun.” Lance laughs bitterly. “All you have to do is point and shoot.”

 

“ _Little one, you have_ skill. _Simply pointing and shooting a gun does not amount to skill._ ”

 

“I just- Blue, I have no place. I’m not good enough. I try and I try, over and over, but nothing I do is ever good enough. I’m annoying. I’m not wanted. There’s no place for me here. Everyone can see that, and it took me so long to finally figure that out.”

 

Blue purrs helplessly. Her child is in pain, and she can’t do anything to help him. She wants to hug him tight, to protect him from the rest of the world. She wants to hide him away so that nothing can hurt him again, but she knows that he’ll go back. He’s so selfless that way, going out even when he’s falling apart. If there’s any chance he can help, her little cub will do anything.

 

“ _Little one_ ,” Blue starts, “ _You are needed_ .” She pauses to gather her thoughts. “ _Do you know why I chose you?_ ”

 

“No. I figured it was because I was convenient at the time.”

 

“ _No, little one. No, no, no. I would never do that. I chose you because you are selfless. You give and give without expecting anything in return. You would sacrifice anything to help others, even your own life. You keep the team together. Even though you struggle, you do your best to ease tension and keep spirits high. You are the heart of Voltron. That is why I chose you_.”

 

The corners of Lance’s mouth quirk upwards even as his heart continues to fall. “Even if that’s true, they don’t notice. They don’t care. According to Keith and Hunk, I’m not taking this seriously. I’m not trying. I’m constantly left behind, and I’m dragging them down. You heard Pidge. And Pidge is always right.”

 

“ _Little one…_ ”

 

“Why haven’t I left already?” Lance questions, tears stinging his eyes. “No one would miss me. No one would care. Just one less burden to take care of.”

 

His throat is tight, the words forcing themselves up. Lance buries his face in his arms, taking some shaky breaths. His body shakes, and his eyes fill up. Desperately, he holds his tears back. He will not cry, he will not cry-

 

Hot tears spill down his face. “I’m so _lonely_ , Blue. I’m the seventh wheel. I’m not needed. Nothing I do makes a difference. I’m easily replaceable, and painfully aware of that.”

 

“ _Little one, I care._ ”

 

“I know you do Blue. But do you know how painful it is to keep smiling everyday? I’m going to snap soon, and I don’t.. I don’t know what’ll happen when- when I do. I- I want someone to- someone to care. Someone that I- that I can trust. It hurts when I can’- can’t talk because no one- no one will listen.”

 

Lance breaks down sobbing. He wails, furiously scrubbing at the tears streaming down his face. One hand rubs his arm, trying for a semblance of comfort as he rocks back and forth. He alternates between sobbing and wanting to scream his hurt out. His chest hurts as he heaves in shuddering breaths, trying not to drown in his tears.

 

The comms crackle on, and Lance shoves as much of his sleeve as he can in his mouth, biting down, muffling his crying.

 

“Lance, get back to the Castle,” Allura orders sharply.

 

Lance rubs his eyes and attempts to steady his breathing. He knows if he speaks right away, his voice is going to waver, and he’ll start crying again.

 

Apparently, he takes too long because Allura barks his name. “Lance!”

 

“Yes princess,” he replies. His voice falls flat, but Allura does not notice.

 

Lance reluctantly uncurls, feeling vulnerable and defenseless. He wants nothing more than to stay where he is, curled up, hidden inside Blue. He knows this isn’t possible. If he takes too long, they’ll get mad. He’s afraid to face them. He doesn't want to right now.

 

He lands in the castle, and leaves the lion. Allura’s waiting for him, frowning. Inside, he shrinks back, and further into himself. Outside, he smiles. “Hey, Allura,” he says, waving.

 

Her frown deepens. “What were you doing?”

 

“Thinking about running away,” he says, half-jokingly, “But I realized my charm was better spent on you.” He winks, miming finger-guns.

 

“Just shut up for once, Lance.” Her voice is razor sharp, and what she said cuts deep. “Why were you goofing off out there? You need to-”

 

Something starts beeping, and Allura walks over to the nearest control panel. “I’m needed on the bridge,” she says, “We’ll finish this conversation later.”

 

She walks away, and Lance glances around, making sure no one is there, before letting his smile drop. He almost starts crying again, but now that he’s in the Castle, anyone could walk in and see him. He doesn't want anyone to see him crying. It’s already bad enough as is. He doesn't need his teammates judging him too.

 

He hesitantly walks down to the kitchen. He wants to talk to someone, and he’s hoping that he can talk to Hunk.

 

As he nears the kitchen, he hears the clattering of pans. He stops in the doorway, and watches as Hunk rushes around the kitchen, focusing on what he’s making. Lance walks quietly into the kitchen, not wanting to disturb him. He sits silently in a seat and waits for Hunks to notice him. It takes a few minutes, and with each minute that pases, his heart sinks. Hunk keeps working, unable to see Lance, who’s sitting right in front of him.

 

His shoulders slump, and he gets up to leave.

 

“Lance!” Hunk calls before he gets out the door, “Wait!”

 

Lance turns back around.

 

“Sorry,” Hunk apologizes, “I wasn’t paying attention. Is there something you wanted to talk about?”

 

Lance nods.

 

“Okay then. Take a seat. Do you mind if I work while you talk?”

 

“Go ahead,” Lance says.

 

Hunk goes back to work as Lance starts talking. “The battle really left me feeling down. I didn’t mean to let the team down. I was doing the best that I could. It’s just that- I just...”

 

Hunk nods absentmindedly, and Lance knows that Hunk’s not paying attention. Lance doesn't blame him. He probably has other things on his mind. Hunk has a tendency to go on autopilot when he’s working in the kitchen. Lance sighs. There’s no point in staying.

 

“Sorry,” Lance mutters inaudibly. He gets up and leaves. Hunk doesn't notice.

 

He slips into Pidge’s workroom.

 

“Hey Pidge,” he says, hands in his pockets. “Is there anything I can help you with?”

 

Pidge glances up. “Sorry Lance. I’m tweaking the lions programing, and it’s more of a one person job.”

 

The unspoken words float around in the air.

 

_You aren’t able to help._

 

_You’d be slowing me down._

 

“Yeah. I’ll be going then.” He gestures weakly towards the door.

 

“Sorry Lance. Thanks for offering though. Next time I need help, I’ll come and find you.”

 

Lance slips out the door and trudges to his room. He passes the training room on his way, and he glaces inside. Shiro and Keith are sparring. Lance heaves a sighs and pushes onward.

 

His door slides open and closes behind him. He throws himself onto his bed, burying his face in his pillow. His shoulders shake.

 

“Lance,” Allura calls through the door, “Meet me on the bridge.”

 

Lance closes his eyes. With effort, he pulls himself off of his bed and heads towards the bridge. His footsteps drag along the ground. He reaches the bridge and leans against the doorway.

 

“Hey Princess,” he says, drawing her attention.

 

“You need to improve your performance,” Allura snaps. “Today was unacceptable. You _cannot_ expect us to come and rescue you every single time there’s a skirmish.”

 

“I’m trying, Princess.”

 

“Well try harder. You keep falling behind, and it’s starting to cost us.”

 

Lance can’t meet her eyes. His own study the ground. He can barely hear her words through her cold voice echoing in his ears.

 

“Look _up_ when I’m talking to you Lance,” Allura snarls.

 

Lance struggles to bring his eyes up. His shoulders hunch in, but he meets her gaze. His eyes are glazed over, and he doesn't see her. He looks right through her as she continues lecturing.

 

“You need to pick it up, Lance. You can’t keep falling behind.”

 

“Sorry.” Lance’s eyes drift back to the ground. “I’ll try harder next time.”

 

“If there is a next time.”

 

The ground drops from beneath Lance. His stomach follows, and his heart clenches.

 

“What?”

 

“We need what’s best for the team, Lance. I’m sorry, but we might need to find another paladin if this keeps up.

 

“Yes… yes ma’am,” Lance chokes out.

 

He turns and runs down the hallway, fleeing back to his room. Dodging a blurry figure, he darts into his room, locking the door behind him. He’s bawling.

 

A knock sounds on the door again, and Lance stiffens.

 

“Lance, m’boy? Coran asks gently, “You okay?”

 

Lance lets out a muffled sob.

 

“No?” Coran’s voice is soothing and slow, lingering with each word. “That’s okay. Do you want to talk?”

 

Lance hunches into himself, arms wrapping around his legs. After a few moments of silence, broken only by Lance’s quiet sobs, Coran says, “Alrighty then. If you want to talk, m’boy, come and find me.”

 

His quiet footsteps drift out of hearing, and Lance breaks down again. Stumbling out of his room, he runs to the hanger where they keep the Lions. He runs to Blue, who opens her jaw. Lance runs inside.

 

_“Little one, what-”_

 

“Allura’s- Allura- She wants to- she wants- she’s going to- to- to-” Lance tries to talk between sobs.

 

_“She’s going to what?”_

 

“She’s going to- going to replace m-me...” The words stumble out of Lance’s mouth as tears run down his face.

 

_“She WHAT?!”_ Blue's roar echoes throughout the castle.

 

“She- she said she- that I was falling- falling behind, that I need- needed to do b-better.”

 

Blue is furious. Her paladin has done all he can and more, and this hag tells him that he’s not doing enough? Blue roars again, louder this time.

 

“Blue, it’s-” Lance sniffles, wiping at his face, “It’s alright. I’m… I’m fine, see?”

 

He gives her the widest smile he can, but it’s wobbly. The corners of his mouth tremble and a few stray tears make their way down his face.

 

_“Little one,”_ Blue says tenderly, _“I will not let you go. You are my cub, my pride, my little angel. I will always believe in you, little one.”_

 

Lance breaks out into fresh sobs. His heart unclenches, and he cries for a few minutes more before the tears start to slow. Blue purrs, and Lance lets the soothing noise roll over him. He relaxes, exhausted now that he’s done crying. Getting up, he shuffles to the exit.

 

_“Stay here for the night,”_ Blue says.

 

“But-”

 

_“You need to rest. I don’t want you to have to face anyone else today.”_

 

“Okay.”

 

Lance makes his way to a cot, which slides out of one of the walls. Laying down, he pulls a blanket over himself. His eyes drift closed, and he falls asleep the minute his head hits the pillow.

 

* * *

 

Lance wakes up to Blue growling. He stumbles off the cot, and it slides back into the wall.

 

“What is it Blue?”

 

_“If that_ hag _takes one step closer, I will tear her_ limb from limb _.”_

 

“What?” Lance looks at the window to see Allura standing there. “Oh.”

 

_“She’s demanding you come out.”_

 

“I probably should, Blue.”

 

_“Not after what she did.”_

 

“Blue…”

 

_“Too bad. You’re not leaving.”_

 

“Lance!” Allura yells, “Get down here now!”

 

Blue roars, and Allura takes a step back. Coran pops into the room. “What’s going on?”

 

Allura turns to him. “Lance isn’t coming out,” she huffs.

 

“It’s for good reason, Princess,” Coran says, frowning, “Blue most likely won’t let you anywhere near him.”

 

“And why not?”

 

“Why don’t you leave.” Coran ignores her question. “I’ll see if I can talk to Lance.”

 

It’s Allura’s turn to frown as Coran pushes her out of the room.

 

“Hey Lance,” Coran calls, “Could you get Blue to let you out?”

 

_“Tell him I won’t,”_ Blue snarls.

 

“Blue, I’ll be fine with him. I promise,” Lance reassures her. He’s happy that Blue’s defending him, but he can’t stay trapped with her indefinitely. He decides it’s better that he leaves with Coran.

 

Blue lowers her jaw, letting Lance walk out.

 

“Hey Coran.” Lance’s voice is quiet, but he gives Coran a small wave.

 

“You okay m’boy?” Coran asks, concerned.

 

“I’ll be okay. Blue’s been great. I feel better now. At least, better than I did earlier.”

 

“Good.” Coran looks down for a moment, hesitant, before asking, “What did Allura say?”

 

Lance’s jaw clenches and his head lifts. “She…” he gulps. “She said she’s probably going to find another paladin.”

 

Coran’s brows furrow as he thinks the sentence over. “Find another paladin? Why would we need another paladin? We already have all five.”

 

“She wants to replace _me_ ,” Lance says, eyes fixed on the wall.

 

Coran pauses. “Replace you?”

 

“Yeah. That’s what she said.”

 

“I won’t let her.” Lance looks at Coran, startled.

 

Coran continues. “She’s been stressed lately because the Galra have gotten better. She doesn't want to fall behind, but she’s starting to take this out on you, which is unacceptable. You are the heart of Voltron. You keep the team together, just as the previous paladin did. And you are by far the best marksman I have seen so far. You do amazingly well, m’boy. Remember that.”

 

Lance looks at him. “You really…”

 

“Yes. You do just as well as the rest of the team. Your strengths are just different and harder to recognize than brute force.”

 

“Thank you, Coran,” Lance says, smiling weakly. “It really means a lot to me.”

 

“It’s all true, m’boy.” Coran checks his watch. “I need to head back up to the bridge. I was running a diagnostic on the ship with Allura, and it’s going to be finishing up now.”

 

Lance’s smile disappears at the mention of Allura’s name. Coran notices. “Again, I’m truly sorry about what Allura said. I wouldn’t trade you for anyone else. You belong here. Okay?”

 

“Okay.” Lance nods faintly. “Don’t you need to get going?”

 

“Later, m’boy,” Coran calls over his shoulder as he walks off. Lance walks back to Blue and reassures her that he’s fine, and that Coran helped instead of hurt, before heading to his room.

 

On his way back, he passes by the training room as Shiro and Keith come out. Keith brushes right past him, but Shiro stops. “Can you meet me in the lounge in five?”

 

“Sure,” Lance replies. He walks past his room with a sigh. He suspects that he’s going to be lectured again. He reaches the lounge and flops onto the couch.

 

Shiro enters the room and sits beside Lance. “What’s up?”

 

Lance shrugs. “Nothin’ much. What did you want to talk about?”

 

“You’ve been falling behind lately.” Lance slumps further into the couch. The lecture he’s getting from Shiro is going the same way Allura’s had.

 

“I’ve been told that,” Lance sighs.

 

Shiro furrows his brow. “Are you doing okay, Lance?”

 

Lance internally curses. “I’m doing fine.” He smiles at Shiro, who doesn't look convinced. “I’m just a bit tired because I stayed up too late watching the stars.”

 

“If you say so.” Shiro drops the subject, but starts up his lecture again. “You’re going to need to pick up the pace Lance. We can’t keep hovering over you during battles.”

 

“I know,” Lance says. He knows. Despite what Coran said, he’s still falling behind. Just because he’s a good sniper doesn't mean that he’s able to keep up.

 

“I’m disappointed, Lance,” Shiro says. “I want to rely on you, but I can’t if you cannot hold your own in a fight.”

 

Oh. Lance swallows, trying to get rid of the lump that forms in his throat.

 

“I’m sorry Lance, but one of these days, you’re going to get-” Shiro’s words are cut off as the alarm blares throughout the castle.

 

“Best be going now.” Lance gestures weakly towards the hanger and takes off. His eyes fill up with tears again, and he slumps into his seat.

 

“Hey Blue.” His voice is quiet, heavy, and sad.

 

“ _Little one.._ ”

 

“Let’s just get going. We have a battle to fight.”

 

They leave the hanger, heading out to face yet another Galra fleet. They’re the first ones out, but they don’t waste time waiting for the other paladins. They jump right into the fighting.

 

* * *

 

The fight is starting to go downhill again, just like the fight that they had earlier today. Lance is worried now. There’s even more Galra ships then there were earlier. Lance feels more confident this time around, and he thinks that he’s handling it much better this time as well. At least, until he gets completely separated from the rest of the group, with an ion cannon pointed at him and Blue.

 

A yellow beam hits the Galra command ship, destroying it. The gathered ion charge disintegrates, and Lance and Blue are safe again. At least, as safe as they can be, fighting off other Galra.

 

“You need to pick it up, Lance,” Hunk says, voice scolding.

 

“Sorry,” Lance mumbles.

 

“Next time you’re on your own,” Shiro bites out. “Now get over here. You’ve gone out too far. We need to form Voltron.”

 

“Yes sir,” Lance mutters.

 

He flies over to the rest of the team, and they form Voltron. They take out the command ships and seperate. Shiro calls this training for them.

 

Lance is left on his own again. And again, he gets surrounded.

 

A galra command ship flies into view, and Lance curses. He looks around, but no one’s nearby, so, with a groan, he goes to face it. He destroys the ships in his way and then takes out Blue’s jawblade. They slice the outside of the ship open, destroying it. But the resulting explosion sends the bulk of the debris flying at Blue.

 

The debris crashes into Blue, and Lance flies out of his seat, slamming into the console. Another explosion rattles Blue again, and Lance is thrown to the ground. His side is bleeding. He must have landed on something wrong, maybe broke a rib or two. Gingerly, he holds his hand over the gash in his side, trying to stop the bleeding. He fumbles for his helmet, putting it over his head, before stumbling to his seat. Distantly, he registers something warm dripping down his face. He tries to wipe it away.

 

“Guys-” he says.

 

“No Lance,” Keith snarls, “NOT NOW.”

 

“Guys-”

 

They start talking over him, shouting out warnings. Lance feels dizzy.

 

“I need help!” he yells, trying to grab the attention of anyone who would listen.

 

“Deal with it Lance!” Pidge yells, an explosion sounding in the background. “You can’t expect us to save you every time!”

 

“I’m injured!”

 

They ignore him. His friends, his team, ignores him. Again.

 

“ _We need to get you back to the Castle,_ ” Blue urges, “ _You need a cryopod_.”

 

“Lance,” Coran says echoing Blue, “You should come in. We can get you to a cryopod.”

 

“No,” Lange huffs out, “We need to make sure everything’s going to be okay. I need to make sure that they’re safe.”

 

“You should come in Lance. You aren’t helping anyone if you fight injured.”

 

Shiro cuts in. “I doubt Lance is seriously injured. He can tough it out. He needs to improve his fighting skills, and this is the best way to do it.”

 

“I’ll be fine,” Lance adds. He turns the comms off before he can get another reply and yelps, his hand pressing against his side again. Blood trickles through his fingers.

 

“ _If we’re staying out here, then let me do the fighting_ ,” Blue compromises. _“I won’t allow you to get hurt again.”_

 

Lance can only hum in agreement. The pain in his side grows worse, and blood spills down his side, staining his armor.

 

The rest of the battle passes in a haze. Lance is barely conscious, and Blue does all the fighting for him. She does her best to stay steady, but dodging the blasts aimed at them forces her to make a few risky maneuvers, jostling Lance. She takes a few more hits before the battle ends.

 

Blue flies Lance back to the ship, and by now, Lance is drifting in and out of consciousness.

 

“ _We need to get Coran-_ ”

 

“I’ll be fine Blue,” Lance grits out. He stumbles down the ramp and out of his lion, leaning heavily on Blue’s side. The rest of the paladins have already left, most likely headed to the lounge. He makes his way to his room and takes off his armor. He fumbles with the first aid kit on the shelf, dropping the bandages. Wincing, he bends down to pick it up, clutching his side.

 

A knock sounds at the door and Lance quickly throws on a robe. He crosses his arms, keeping pressure on his still bleeding side before opening the door. He leans on the doorframe, his legs growing weaker by the minute. He’s losing too much blood.

 

Keith stands before him. The look of concern on his face quickly turns into shock and panic.

 

“What is it?” Lance asks frowning.

 

Keith stares at him a few moments longer before grabbing one of his arms. “Shit, Lance. We need to get you to a cryopod.”

 

“I’m fine,” Lance protests, digging his feet into the ground. “‘M fine.” His words slur slightly.

 

“You have blood _covering your face_ , Lance, _you are not fine_.” He continues dragging Lance along until Lance collapses on the ground. Keith turns around, picks him up, and continues onward.

 

“I c’n walk.” Lance pushes himself out of Keith’s arms and stumbles forward ,leaning on the wall.

 

“You clearly can’t,” Keith growls.

 

“C’n too.”

 

“Lance!” Keith shouts, frustrated.

 

Keith’s shouting has drawn the rest of the team’s attention. They’ve wandered over to see what’s happening and are horrified to find Lance struggling to walk while heavily on the wall, while his face is smeared with blood.

 

“Holy shit Lance,” Hunk curses. “You're barely standing. What the _hell_ happened?”

 

“‘M fine.” Lance is on the point of collapsing. His side throbs, he’s emotionally exhausted, and he’s having a hard time focusing on the people in front of him.

 

Pidge steps towards him. “You’re not fine, La-  fuck, is your side bleeding?”

 

The paladins look at him and see that his robe is stained with blood.

 

“Why didn’t you tell us Lance?” Shiro asks.

 

Lance is overwhelmed. They’re all here, and it’s too much all at once-

 

The paladins can only stare in shock as tears run down Lane’s bloodied face and they hear his broken whisper-

 

“So now I matter?”

 

After a moment of silence, Shiro asks, “What do you mean?” He steps forward to pick Lance up, but Lance shies away. He stands upright.

 

“What do I mean?” Lance’s bitter laugh ends in coughing. “I asked for help. I called out, and you ignored me.”

 

“We-” Allura tries.

 

“You lef’ me. Blue had to fight for me. I couldn’ stay conc’ous. My fokus was goin’.”

 

“We didn’t know-”

 

“You knew. You ignor’d me.” Lance sways unsteady on his feet, but miracuously stays standing. “You ignor’d me jus’ like ev’ry other time.”

 

“Lance..” Hunk says.

 

“You don’ care ‘bout me. ‘Lance‘s fine. He’s annoyin’. Why do we wan’ Lance. ’e’s dragin’ us down .’ Ya’ll think tha’ an’ you nev’r care abou’ wha’ happens to me. You don’- you don’ _care_.”

 

Lance stumbles into the wall. “Only- only Coran notic’d.” He says that to himself but it’s just loud enough that the rest of the group can hear. Allura strides away and returns moments later with Coran. Coran understands what’s happening the moment he arrives and strides over to Lance.

 

“Hello, m’boy,” he says gently, “Is it okay if I pick you up?”

 

Lance nods, and Coran scoops Lance up in his arms. Lance’s head lolls to the side and Coran hurries to the med bay. He gently places Lance into one of the cryopods, and rushes over to the computer. Looking down the list of injuries, he sees that Lance has four broken ribs, a concussion, and bruising over most of his body.

 

“How long will it take for him to heal?” Hunk asks.

 

“It’ll take about a quintent to heal the major damage,” Coran says. “The cryopods target the major injuries first. For Lance, it’s his broken ribs and concussion. After that, it’ll take a varga at most to heal the bruising.”

 

Shiro’s holding a trembling Pidge. She looks up at him, eyes watering. “How much did we mess up, Shiro?”

 

“I don’t know,” he says, giving her a hug, “But we’re going to have to try and fix it.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it's OUT! YES!   
> Thank you LeoLiddy for the idea for this chapter. I put it to work.  
> Also, there's some BS medical stuff, seeing as we don't actually have crypods in real life.  
> Enjoy!

As the next day passes, everyone thinks back to what they know of Lance. Some think back over his breakdown. Others realize with sinking hearts that maybe they weren’t as good of a friend that they should have been. Thoughts of ‘ _ What did I do wrong? _ ’ and ‘ _ How could I have missed this? _ ’ pass through the minds of all those in the castle. All except Lance, who lays silent and still in the cryopod.

 

The castle is unnaturally quiet and somber. Laughter doesn't ring through the air. There’s no food fights, no friendly bickering, no races through the hallways. It’s amazing how empty the castle feels, all because Lance is gone.

 

* * *

 

Coran sits in silence, alone in the med bay. The castle is much quieter now, and not in a good way. No one else sits with him because he had shooed the rest of the castle’s residents out of the room. He’s frustrated with them, to put it lightly, and he isn’t in the mood to interact with them right now. Not when Lance is lying in the cryopod with serious injuries, all because no one would listen to him. 

 

Sighing, Coran leans up against the cryopod. “Hey Lance,” he says, “Sorry I didn’t get you in earlier. I should have made you dock and hop in the crypod right away.”

 

There’s no answer. The silence is stifling, and Coran feels the need to fill it up with chatter, or music, or  _ anything _ really. Anything but more silence.

 

“Blue’s doing well,” he chooses to say. “She didn’t get hurt to badly in the explosion. The reason why you were flung about was because the straps on the seat snapped. I should have known. After ten thousand years, it’s amazing that they were even in one piece. The only reason that Blue is intact is because she’s made of interdimensional meteorite.”

 

The monitor beeps, drawing Coran’s attention. He makes a mental note to do a thorough inspection of the lions, and to replace anything that was not made with meteorite. If Lance’s straps strapped, then nothing that had been installed ten thousand years ago should be trusted. It all needs to be replaced to guarantee that the paladins will be safe from harm because of an equipment malfunction.

 

He curses himself. He should have made the paladins do a thorough inspection, or allow him to do it himself. Just because he and Allura hadn’t changed in the years that they were sleeping didn’t mean that nothing else did. 

 

Shaking himself from his thoughts, Coran gets up to go take a look at the screen. According to the monitor, Lance’s vitals have stabilized. He walks towards a door, which slides open to reveal a storage closet, lined with medical supplies, stretchers, and med suits. Grabbing a med suit, Coran heads back to the cryopod. Gently, he takes Lance out and removes Lance’s armor, replacing it with the med suit. The med suit will keep better track of Lance’s vitals, as well as help speed the healing process along.

 

Coran lifts Lance back into the crypod and sits down nearby. He wants to be here when Lance wakes up, and logically, nothing should happen to him until that time, but he can’t help but feel like something will go horribly wrong if he leaves. Maybe it’s due to guilt. He should have made Lance come in after he had gotten hurt.

 

Coran waits for a few minutes at most before the urge to check the monitor creeps up on him. He should have brought a book or screen to keep himself occupied. Sighing, he fidgets, once more uncomfortable with the silence. He tries to resist the urge, but gives into it not even a minute later and heads over to check the monitor. Of course, there’s no change. Sighing, he goes back to Lance’s cryopod and sits down again.

 

The urge to check the monitor starts to tug at him again. This time, Coran pushes it off. Nothing’s going to change until Lance is out of the cryopod.

 

The urge still pulls at him, and he starts fidgeting again. There’s nothing to do in the med bay. Coran walks over to the monitor to check and see if he’s able to play his music from there. No luck. It’s used solely for monitoring the vitals of the creature placed in the cryopod. With nothing else to do, he starts talking to fill both the time and the silence.

 

“Lance,” he starts. “I thought you might like to hear a tale of the great paladins of old, at least, from what I remember of them. When I was a young boy, there was a time when I got lost and wandered into the lion's hanger…”

 

* * *

 

Hunk was upset about being pushed out of the med bay. He wanted to be by Lance to make sure that nothing else happened to him, even though it was near impossible with Lance sleeping in the crypod. He knows that he’ll get to see Lance when he comes out of the crypod, but still...

 

Hunk walks into the kitchen and gathers the earth-like ingredients that he has identified over the few months spent aboard the castle. He doesn't feel like experimenting with the goo. On days like this, when Hunk is feeling horrible, all he wants is to make something he knows, something that’s familiar. That way he can let his hands work while he thinks, and he gets to eat food once it’s done. Food almost always helps, even if it’s just the tiniest bit.

 

Hunk gets out a baking pan, a cluster of mixing bowls, and he starts to cook. There’s no recognizable measuring tools in the Altean kitchen, but he’s always been good at guesstimating, especially when it comes to recepies he knows well. As he starts to mix ingredients together, he slowly drifts down into his mind and starts to sort through his thoughts. 

 

Lance is hurt. He knows that. He knows now that he should have believed Lance when he was pleading for help. That alone should have set off a big red warning light in his head. Lance rarely asks for help, and he has never asked for help in a battle. But now, he’s asked for help in a battle twice in one day. Something must have happened.

 

He thinks back to the way he brushed off of Lance. Twice. He doesn't know how much this affected Lance, but after his breakdown, he thinks that it may have hit hard. He thought that Lance was probably exaggerating, that he wasn’t being serious. Lance has a bit of a tendency to be a drama queen from time to time, and so Hunk thought that Lance’s injury was something like… like a broken finger? 

 

Heart sinking, Hunk realizes that a small injury, even something like a broken finger, would have caused Lance to grunt pain, but not beg for help. In seventh grade, when Lance had been pushed out of a tree and broken his wrist, he had let out a few yelps, but then waited quietly until recess was over to go and get help from a teacher. Hunk had tried to convince him to tell a teacher, but Lance had hid from him. He had said that he didn’t want to bother anyone.

 

Now, Lance was injured badly. Hunk curses himself. He should have known better, he should have listened. Lance is injured because of his stupidity, because he didn’t believe his best friend. Lance is hurt because no one believed him, not even Hunk. Hunk doesn't know if he should even consider himself Lance’s friend anymore. He doesn't deserve to.

 

Hunk resurfaces from his thoughts to put the food he’s making into the oven. He sets the timer and sits at the counter. His fingers drum against the counter as his thoughts draw him back in.

 

He looks back at Lance’s breakdown. He’s only seen Lance cry a few times in the past. He never likes to cry because he doesn't like to appear vulnerable. He had to stay strong and happy for his siblings. Being vulnerable also meant more bullying. Because of this, he hasn’t cried since sixth grade, when he got beat up trying to protect his younger sister. It wasn’t until she wasn’t by his side and that he was alone with Hunk that he broke down.

 

Now, Hunk wasn’t sure that he knew Lance as well as he thought he had. Lance was always a ray of sunshine, a bright beacon of hope, and a compassionate person who always looked out for everyone else. But know, when Lance was hurting, Hunk felt out of his depth. He had comforted Lance from time to time, but Lance had never shown he was this distressed.

 

Hunk wishes that he had noticed, that there was something he could have done. He wishes that he would have taken Lance seriously. He’d give almost anything to go back in time and reassure Lance that he was there for him, that he wasn’t alone. 

 

Hunk promises himself that he’ll be there for Lance now. He’ll rebuild Lance’s trust in him, he’ll help shoulder Lance’s burdens, and he’ll try to fix what he messed up.

 

Hunk drifts back to the present, his thoughts settled and resolve hardened. He takes a deep breath.

 

The smell of enchiladas rises in the air.

 

Lance’s favorite food.

 

* * *

 

Pidge is walking through the hallway with her arms full of machinery. She wants to rebuild Rover, so she’s been scrounging for parts whenever they’ve been available, whether it be extra Altean parts, or Galra parts scavenged from reckages. After three months of searching for the correct pieces, she’s finally found all the pieces she needs to rebuild him. 

 

This time around, instead of working in the workshop, she’s heading to her room, where she’ll be able to concentrate without interruption. She feels more comfortable working in her own space. The workshop is great, but, well, there’s no place like home. At least, as close to home as she can get.

 

Pidge walks forward, balancing the machinery piled well over her head, unable to see what’s in front of her. She walks based on her memory of the twists and turns from the workshop to her room. 

 

Keith steps out of the doorway, and Pidge runs right into him. Machinery goes flying, and both Keith and Pidge end up on the ground, covered in the scattered pieces of machinery.

 

“Sorry,” Pidge apologizes. “I didn’t see you.”

 

“Obviously,” Keith snarls.

 

Pidge brushes his comment off. She wants to get to rebuilding Rover, and she doesn't want to deal with an irate Keith right now.

 

Keith tries to walk past, but ends up stepping on a piece of machinery. Pidge growls at him, picking up the piece and checking it for damage.

 

Keith growls back. “Watch it. You need to keep better track of your junk.”

 

Pidge frowns. “What the fuck Keith. It was an accident. And it’s not junk.”

 

“Yes it is. It’s fucking useless.” 

 

“What’s your problem Keith!” He’s being unnecessarily rude. He’s acting like it’s all her fault, when he wasn’t watching where he was going, and now he’s calling her machinery junk.

 

“You. You’re the problem. You need to fucking pay attention instead of staying stuck up in tech land, oh so high above the rest of us.”

 

“Well, this ‘junk’ is important to me, and I  _ told you _ , it was a fucking  _ accident _ . Get over it!”

 

“An  _ accident _ ?” Keith smashes his heel down on some of the scattered machinery. “You mean, just like that?”

 

Pidge growls, launching herself at him. She scratches at him before taking a swing. Her first punch hits him in the face, sending Keith reeling backwards. He recovers, and tries to land a hit on her, but she dances out of his reach. When she tries to get in a second punch, it’s caught by a robotic hand. Shiro.

 

“What are you doing?” he asks, a frown on his face. The disappointment makes Pidge feel guilty, but she’s angry too. Angry at Keith.

 

“He started it,” Pidge answers instantly.

 

Keith retorts almost immediately after the words leave Pidge’s mouth. “If anything, you started it.” 

 

Pidge opens her mouth to argue, but Shiro cuts in. “Keith, leave.”

 

Keith glares at him, and Shiro knows that Keith is looking for a fight. When Keith opens his mouth, Shiro glares back at him, face stone cold, and points down a random hallway. Keith loses his mouth and clenches his jaw, but he does what Shiro commands. Once his angry, heavy footsteps are out of hearing, Shiro turns back to Pidge, his expression softening. He kneels down and helps Pidge pick up the machinery scattered on the ground. Pidge’s anger cools.

 

“Here,” he says, holding out to her. “Do you want to take it, or do you want me to help you carry it?”

 

“I can carry it,” Pidge says. “But thanks for offering, Shiro.”

 

Shiro nods, and then points to a pile of broken machinery that he had sorted out from the rest of the group. “What do you want me to do with these?” he asks her. 

 

Shiro sees Pidge’s face fall as she scans the broken pieces, taking in the damage.

 

“I’ll… I’ll take those. Maybe I can fix them up,” she says.

 

The look on her face is full of doubt, and Shiro can tell that most of these pieces will end up being tossed into the trash, or stripped of usable parts that could possibly be used for something else.

 

“Would you mind dropping the broken pieces off in my workshop?” Pidge asks, gathering the useable pieces in her arms.

 

“Is it okay if I set them aside for know?” Shiro asks, “I need to go talk with Keith.”

 

“Sure,” Pidge says, “I think there’s an empty room in the hallway to your right. Just leave the pieces there, out of the way. I’ll come back for them later.”

 

As she walks away, she tosses a thank you over her shoulder. Shiro finds the room that Pidge was talking about, and sets the pieces in a pile in a corner. Then, he takes off in the direction that he had sent Keith off in.

 

After a few twists and turns, he finds himself in front of the doors that lead into the training room. Walking through the doors, he finds Keith hacking away at a simulation. Checking the screen on the wall, he sees that Keith’s fighting at level seven. He arranges the controls so that the simulation will end when Keith defeats this opponent.

 

After a minute, Keith wins against his opponent. He stands at the ready in the middle of the room, panting, with sweat dripping down his face. When no other opponent appears, he lowers his sword and glances around. Upon spotting Shiro, he scowls.

 

“What was that for?” Keith grits out.

 

“Why are  _ you  _ asking  _ me  _ that?” Shiro retorts. “What was all that-” he points back down the hallway, “-with Pidge?”

 

“She wasn’t watching where she was going, her nose stuck in her tech.”

 

“She  _ apologized _ , Keith. It was an  _ accident _ . But then you went and smashed irreplaceable machinery, just for what? Some petty, uncalled for revenge? Something that was undeserved?”

 

“So what?” Keith challenges, but he looks down at the ground, guilty. His temper’s cooled off now, and he knows that he messed up. 

 

“Keith. That was cruel and completely unnecessary. No one wants to be around somebody like that. So unless you want to completely alienate yourself from all of us, you need to learn to control your temper.”

 

“Sorry Shiro,” Keith says, head bowed, eyes fixed on the ground.

 

“Don’t apologize to me. Apologize to Pidge.” Shiro takes Keith’s sword, which shifts back into a bayard, and pushes him towards the door. “Now go.”

 

Keith takes off at a jog down the hallway and Shiro brings Keith’s bayard to his room. After dropping it off, he decides to go talk to Allura. 

 

* * *

 

Keith walks up to Pidge’s workshop. He knocks, and after he gets no reply, he enters. Pidge isn’t there. Frowning, he thinks of where else she could be. Pidge tends to spend most of her time in the workshop, but she was carrying pieces of machinery with her just now. So where else…

 

He knows that she doesn't have any other work spaces in the castle, and the only other possible places that would have the tools to build stuff would be either the hanger, which is unlikely, or Pidge’s room. He walks off down the hallways again, this time headed to Pidge’s room. 

 

When he arrives, he knocks on the door, and Pidge sticks her head out of the room, a pair of goggles pushed up on her forehead. The moment she sees him, she slams the door in his face.

 

“Pidge,” Keith says, letting his forehead rest against the door, “I came to apologize.”

 

“Yeah right,” Pidge huffs from behind the door.

 

“Look, Shiro talked to me, okay? I know that I was a jerk, and I’m sorry.”

 

“‘Sorry’ won’t replace my broken pieces.”

 

“I know.” Keith steps back and looks down at the floor. “I’ll do anything to make it up to you.”

 

Pidge sticks her head out the door, a grin spreading across her face. “Annnnyyythiiiinnng?” She asks, stretching the word out. Her tone is light, and she said the word in a sing-song voice. Keith knows that she’s forgiven him, but...

 

Keith looks up with an expression of pure panic on his face. “No! Not  _ anything _ . I take that back! I want to live. I want my soul, and I want my firstborn child. You are not pulling a Rumplestiltskin on me.” He pauses. “But, I’ll do  _ almost  _ anything.”

 

“Okay then,” Pidge says, “You can help me find more pieces for Rover. You know, since you destroyed them.”

 

Keith looks down again. “I’m really sorry. That was stupid, and I shouldn't have done that. I don’t even know why…”

 

“We’re all stressed. I get it. With Lance gone…”

 

“Yeah.”

 

They both share a moment of silence.

 

“You want to head over to the med bay?” Keith asks, gesturing towards the hallway. “Lance should be waking up soon.”

 

“Yeah.” Pidge walks to the doorway. “Ladies first.”

 

Keith rolls his eyes. “This isn’t going to last forever, you know. Once you rebuild Rover-”

 

“Then I get a challenge.” Pidge grins.

 

Snorting, Keith walks out the doorway, and Pidge follows.

 

* * *

 

Shiro strolls onto the bridge, and finds Allura working on a map.

 

“Hello, Allura,” he says, drawing her attention. “What are you doing?”

 

“Plotting out dead zones, and then planning out a route we can travel along to avoid them.” She looks determined. “Lance needs to heal, and maybe stay away from battle for a few days.”

 

“Have you taken a break?” Shiro asks.

 

“No. I’ve been too busy.”

 

Shiro sits down in a nearby seat. “Why does Lance need to stay away from battle?”

 

“If he gets hurt, he needs to improve. There could also be unknown psychological injuries caused by the wounds.” Allura sounds clinical and detached as she talks.

 

“Allura, he’s obviously not okay,” Shiro scolds, “We all saw him break down. He told us that  _ we didn’t care about him _ , and you say there might be some psychological problems because of the  _ wounds _ ?” Shiro sits bolt upright in his chair. “ _ We _ are the ones that have been doing something wrong, and we need to learn what it is so that we can fix it.”

 

Allura hums and continues to work on the map. It’s almost like she doesn't care about what Shiro has to say, or about how Lance is doing. Shiro refuses to believe that, but if he can’t get his point across, there’s no point in talking.

 

Sighing, Shiro slumps into the chair. “Did you know that I just broke up a fight between Keith and Pidge?”

 

Allura’s brows crinkle together. “Keith and Pidge? They rarely fight. They have more of a… coexistence type of relationship.”

 

“Yeah, well, Keith ran into Pidge and then got mad at her. She didn’t even do anything.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Everyone's been a bit uneasy lately. Ever since Lance got hurt, everyone’s been on edge with either with worry, anxiety, or something else, which means shorter tempers all around.”

 

Allura frowns, momentarily pausing in her work as she thinks his words over. “Does Lance really have that much of an effect on the team?”

 

“Yes he does.” Shiro pauses. “Allura?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“What do you have against Lance?”

 

“What do I… I don’t have anything against Lance. Why do you ask?”

 

“You’re very distant.” Shiro walks over to her. “You almost never pay attention to Lance, and when you do, all you do is criticize what he does. Everything from his fighting to the jokes he makes.”

 

“Of course I do,” she replies, looking up from her mapping to meet his eyes. “He needs to be stronger, faster, better. He needs to be as good as everyone else is. And he needs to be serious. Being a paladin is nothing to joke about, but he takes  _ nothing _ seriously.”

 

Shiro lips press together in a tight line. “Lance does just as well of the rest of us. While he may not be as good at hand to hand combat, he has a talent for improvised strategy, and he excels at sniping. And in case you haven’t noticed, everything has gotten worse since Lance got put into the crypod.”

 

“But the paladins of old were much better than-”

 

“Much better than any of us? Yes, they probably were. But we are  _ not _ the paladins of old. They had years upon years of experience by the time you came around. We’ve been with you for about six months. It’s impressive enough that we can use our lions effectively, let alone form Voltron, considering that we were thrown together because I crash landed on Earth and these teenagers wanted to help me. They are  _ teenagers _ , and frankly, I’m surprised that no one’s broken down until now.”

 

Allura growls and whirls around, stalking towards the door. Shiro steps into her path. “And Lance, in case you haven’t noticed, is the one who holds us together. He gets rid of any tension that might linger. He keeps our spirits light when everything comes crashing down. He does his best to make sure that no one’s left out, and he’s the one that keeps this team from falling apart. It’s only been less than a  _ day _ since he was put into the cryopod, and things have already gotten worse.”

 

Shiro starts pacing, but when Alura tries to skirt around him, he slips in front of her again. “If Lance had to be in there for any longer…” Shiro sighs, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t know how long the team would be able to survive without Lance.”

 

With that, he steps out of Allura’s way, allowing her to leave.

 

* * *

 

Hunk walks into the room, Pidge and Keith following close behind.

 

“Hi, Coran,” Hunk says.

 

Coran considers ignoring him, but eventually responds, “Hello to you too, Hunk. Hello Pidge, hello Keith.”

 

They settle down in front of the cryopod. Shiro enters the room, and settles down cross-legged on the floor with them. Coran acknowledges him with a nod. Last to come in is Allura, who heads to the opposite side of the room and leans against a pillar. She’s completely ignored by Coran. Shiro gives her a wave, but she glares at him. Shiro turns back around.

 

Coran is standing by the monitor, watching the seconds tick down until the cryopod opens.

 

60…

 

“What do you think Lance’s going to do now? Hunk asks, “Will he even remember what happened? He lost a lot of blood.”

 

50…

 

“We won’t know until he comes out. However he reacts, we’ll take it step by step,” Shiro reponds.

 

40…

 

“Hey Coran,” Keith asks, “How long until he can fight again? If we get into a battle, I don’t know if we’d be able to keep him safe.”

 

30…

 

“Allura has planned the best possible route to keep us out of fighting. And worse comes to worse, he stays in the Castle and helps out in here,” Coran responds.

 

20…

 

“Are we sure he’ll be okay though? He wants to fight, but we need to let his mind heal.”

 

15…

 

“If he’s not, we’ll have to prove that we’re there for him, and that he can trust us.” Shiro sighs. “We have a lot to fix. Most of it was probably unintentional, so we’re going to have to be patient.”

 

5…

 

Allura looks like she wants to step forward, but her shoulders hunch and she stays where she is.

 

4…

 

Coran walks over to the pod.

 

3…

 

He stands in front, arms outstretched to catch Lance when he falls out.

 

2…

 

The younger paladins lean forward.

 

1...

 

“Here he comes,” Coran announces.

 

The monitor beeps.

 

Nothing happens. 

 

“Coran?” Pidge asks.

 

“He...” Coran rushes over to the monitor and taps on the screen, checking Lance’s vitals and looking over the cryopod schematics. “He should be coming out.”

 

“Why isn’t he coming out?” Pidge asks, panicking slightly. She needs to do something to help. “Can I take a look?”

 

Without waiting for an answer, she walks swiftly over to the monitor and ducks under Coran’s arms to take a look. Coran steps back to let her tinker. She swipes through the information displayed on the screen, sorting through it. She determines that there’s nothing wrong here, and she pries open the side to the monitor and looks at the connections, making sure that nothing’s interfering.

 

“I don’t understand,” she says, backing away, “Nothing’s wrong with the monitor.” She scurries over to the crypod and checks the crypod over too. “Nothing’s wrong here either.”

 

“Coran,” she asks, desperately looking for an answer, “What’s wrong? Everything’s working perfectly, so what’s-” Her voice cracks. “What’s wrong? Is Lance- is he going to be okay?”

 

“I don’t know what’s happening,” Coran says worridley. “I’ve never encountered something like this before.”

 

Everyone is starting to panic. Lance might not come out. If Lance doesn't come out, then they’ll never get to see his smile again, or hear his jokes again. They’ll never get to make things right.

 

At the moment, it seems like the world might crumble. They’re teetering over the edge, and their anchor is failing. Lance, their heart and light, might not make it back. Unconsciously, they know that if Lance passes, nothing will be the same again. Things will be darker, the world will be much more bleak. 

 

In one desperate, last attempt to gather information, Coran turns to Alura and asks, “Do you know what’s happening? Please- please tell me you do.”

 

“I… I might know.” Allura’s words echo in the thick silence, drawing the attention of everyone in the room. She can feel the weight of their stares, and she can feel the panic winding its way through each person’s mind.

 

“I’ve never seen this myself,” she continues, trying to keep her voice steady, “But I remember reading about warriors whose minds broke during battle. When they were put in the cryopod, their physical injuries healed, but they would not come out because the crypod deemed that their mental injuries had yet to be healed.”

 

“So the cryopod won’t let Lance out?” Pidge asks fearfully.

 

Allura nods, and then she adds, “But Lance also doesn't want to come out. Part of the reason he isn’t coming out is because his mind is convincing himself that he’s done, that there’s nothing else left for him, so whether consciously or subconsciously, he’s preventing himself from coming out.”

 

“Lance is stuck?” Hunk asks, still trying to grasp the situation. But if he’s stuck, then… He asks another question. “How are we supposed to get him out?”

 

“If it’s in his mind,” Coran says, “Then there’s nothing we can do except wait. The crypods were made to be impenetrable, in case enemies ever broke into the castle, or were stored in them. It can’t be forced open. So now, it’s entirely up to Lance.”

 

“But what if he doesn't wake up?” Hunk voice is thick and shaky. He’s close to crying, and he’s holding a shaking Pidge, who’s already broken down. Keith sits nearby, staring blankly at the wall as his mind tries to process the fact that Lance might not come back.

 

“Let’s wait and see if he does wake up.” Shiro tries to look calm even though he’s on the edge of breaking down too. “We don’t want to jump to conclusions, and all we can do is wait for now.”

 

Shiro stands up, and gently pulls the teenagers to their feet. “Why don’t you all get to bed, okay? It’s been a long day, and we all need sleep.” He herds them out of the room.

 

Now it’s just Coran and Allura in the room. “Either that, or we’ll have to find a ‘replacement’.” He snipes. “Isn’t that right Princess?” He shoots Allura an icy glare before sweeping out of the room.

 

Allura’s left feeling queasy as she stares at Lance, unmoving in the crypopod. The white glow from the cryopod makes his tan skin look sickly pale. It’s almost fitting. Lance is on the verge of death, and no one can do anything. 

 

The longer she stays in the room, the more unnatural the silence feels. When she can bear it no longer, she flees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapters might come out a bit slower, and it's most likely that there'll be more than one more coming out. I'll try to update as soon as possible.  
> (And in case you haven't noticed, it's easy to bribe me, whether it be candy, comments or kudos. As proven with this chapter.)  
> Also, how did I do with this chapter? I felt like it wasn't as good as the first one.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES! The chapter is OUT! This is going to be waaaaay longer than I expected, so I don't know the exact number of chapters. There's still at least one more to go.
> 
> Also, mention of someone thinking about suicide. Only one sentence, so I don't think it'll be that bad, but please. Be careful, be wise.
> 
> Other than that, enjoy!

Lance is drifting in the sea. Weightless. Relaxed.

 

Back, and forth. Back, and forth. Back, and forth.

 

The sun is warm on his face, and the water silky and cool on his back. He can hear the gentle sound of water lapping on a shore not to far away.

 

Back, and forth. Back, and forth. Back, and forth.

 

He drifts with the waves.

 

Back, and forth. Back, and forth. Back, and forth.

 

Each wave tugs at him gently, cradling him in it’s arms.

 

Back, and forth. Back, and forth. Back, and forth.

 

Lance’s mind is blank, filled with the sounds of the water and the warmth of the sun.

 

Back, and forth. Back, and forth. Back, and forth.

 

The light shining through his eyelids starts to fade, taking the warmth with it.

 

Back, and forth. Back, and forth. Back, and forth.

 

 _It’s just a cloud_ , he thinks.

 

Back, and forth. Back, and forth. Back, and forth.

 

The warmth doesn't return. The water on his back is no longer silky and cool, but cold and jagged. Gasping, his eyes fly open.

 

Back, and forth. Back, and--

 

The waves disappear.

 

There is no sun. There is no water. There is no shore. There’s nothing that he can see except writhing, thrashing darkness. He struggles to his feet. He doesn't know what this is, where he is, or what’s happening. He doesn't know what happened to the beach. Wasn’t he at the beach with--

 

He remembers. He’s in outer space now. His family is far, far away.

 

The darkness surges closer, a mockery of the water that he had just been floating in. But these aren’t gentle waves, rocking him to sleep. These are violent, moving hills, rising up into the air so they can fall and crush him.

 

He runs. He can feel that the darkness is surrounding him, and he doesn't know if there’s an escape. He's afraid of this darkness. Something about it feels wrong. It looks like an abyss, gaping open, doing it’s best to swallow him up and drag him away. It looks ready to make him disappear to a place that he can never escape.

 

So he runs. He runs in the direction that the darkness hasn’t covered. He runs and he runs and he runs. He runs until his legs hurt, until his heart is pounding, and until his lungs won’t let him breath.

 

And then he stops. He can’t run any longer. He hurts too much to take another step. He collapses on the ground, and the darkness draws so close that it touches his foot and starts to suck it in.

 

Lance kicks his leg. He shakes most of it off, but his skin is stained black where it touched him. Horrified, he forces his exhausted body to stand, and to stumble forward. Step by step, he makes progress. One foot, and then the other. It’s all he can focus on.

 

He collapses on the ground again, but this time, he doesn't make the mistake of stopping. He uses his arms to drag himself forward. He doesn’t look back. He doesn’t want to see how close the darkness is. So inch by inch, he drags himself forward.

 

His arms start shaking, but he forces them to move. He forces them to work longer than his legs, because he can't afford to stop. If he stops, he’ll be dragged into the abyss.

 

Lance can’t use his legs again because his legs won’t work anymore. Soon, his arms give out too.

 

He lays down, completely spent, and surrounded by thick, black darkness. He has nowhere to escape to now.

 

His eyes close. He doesn’t want to see how it ends. He never thought it would end in something like this, something that he doesn’t understand. He thought that he would go out in a blaze of glory, doing something that might at least help before he died.

 

A light flutters weakly behind his eyelids. He opens his eyes and looks towards it. The light is far off in the distance, no more than a mere speck. It starts to grow brighter and bigger, steadily making its way towards him. He wonders if the light is after him too, just like the darkness was. He tries to make his muscles move, but he can’t.

 

Soon, the light is right in front of him. It towers over him, shining bright. It’s like he’s laying next to a star, and he wonders if it’s the last beautiful thing he’ll see before he dies. At least the darkness is gone.

 

The star is so bright that he thinks he might burn to ash, and yet it’s not hot. It draws closer still, until not a speck of darkness can be seen. He can feel it around him, waiting in anticipation. He feels like prey in the eyes of a predator, a creature about to breathe its last.

 

Lance has nothing else left in him. He’s spent, and his will to escape is dying. He can’t see any way out. He closes his eyes, shutting the light out, and lets a different type of darkness overtake him.

 

* * *

 

The darkness around Lance is different than the previous darkness. He still can’t see, but this presence is less invasive, less suffocating. His shallow breathing has evened out, but he slowly tenses up. He doesn’t know what to expect. The only thing he can do is wait as awareness slowly returns.

 

The first thing to function is his hearing. He can hear a low, rumbling sound, and he panics. He doesn’t know what this is, but he doesn’t think that whatever’s causing the sound is something to relax around. Something brushes up against his mind. It’s a presence, familiar and comforting, and he realizes he was wrong. The source of this sound is about the only thing he wants to see ever again. He relaxes and lets the sound wash over him. “Blue,” he breathes.

 

He knows her. He soaks in her presence, basking in the warmth it gives off. Blue’s here. He’s safe. Slowly, his other senses start to wake up. He can feel the touch of fur, and light is shining through his eyelids again.

 

“ _Hello, little one_.” She sounds relieved, but there’s a concerned note in her voice.

 

“What is it?” Lance looks up, opening his eyes, and there’s Blue, standing over him. A dedicated guardian, steady rock, willing to do anything for her charge.

 

“You look like a real lion,” Lance says in surprise. He can see fur rippling down her spine, and intelligent eyes, full of love, staring down at him. Warmth --real heat-- radiates from her flesh and blood feline body.

 

“ _We’re in your mind. This is the form you imagine me in, and it’s more useful in this situation_.”

 

Lance lets her words sink in before speaking. “We’re in my mind? Why-”

 

Then he remembers what happened. There was a battle, and he got hurt. Sighing, his heart sinks as memories resurface, and he curls in on himself. “Nevermind,” he whispers, his voice barely audible, “I remember.”

 

Blue withholds a sigh, knowing that it would only make him shrink away from her. “ _We need to talk, little one_.” Her voice is tender, but Lance can’t help but think the worst.

 

“ _I_ _’m not mad, little one. I’ll never be mad at you. I’m concerned_ .” Lance looks up at her, a questioning look in his eyes. “ _To me, it seems as if you’re slowly slipping away, and…_ ” She trails off, unable to finish her sentence.

 

“What?” Lance asks, both curious and afraid. She’s not telling him something, and she’s never done that before.

 

“ _This time, you might not return_.” Her eyes are sad, and her voice trembles as she talks.

 

“What do you mean? You talk as if I’m dying.”

 

Blue doesn’t quite meet his eyes, and Lance feels like his insides turns to ice, both frozen and fragile at the same time. “I’m dying?”

 

Blue lets out a slow purr and curls around him. “ _Why do you think you can see me like this? This form comes from your mind. It wouldn’t take shape in real life._ ”

 

Lance curls tighter around himself. He doesn’t want her to touch him. He doesn’t want to be touched by anyone or anything. He just… he wants to be alone. He’s _dying_.

 

Something inside him feels numb and empty.

 

Blue purrs louder. Her heart hurts. She wants to help, but her little angel doesn’t want to let her in. Her sweet little cub is in so much pain, and she can’t do anything. “ _Little one, please let me in_ ,” she begs. “ _Please_.”

 

Lance looks up at her eyes dry but filled with pain. “I.. I’m dying. I’m dying.” He repeats these words to himself again and again as he starts to rock back and forth. These words are so foreign, and yet he’s forced to face the meaning of them. Death is staring him in the face, and he stares back, but he doesn’t know how much longer he can look at it.

 

Blue purrs louder, trying to drown out the thoughts in his head. “ _My little angel_ ,” she says, shifting closer, “ _I’m going to touch you, okay sweetheart?_ ”

 

While Lance doesn’t say yes, he doesn’t move as she curls around him. Her tail flicks across his face, and Lance breaks down. He buries his face in her fur and bawls. Tears stream down his face, and his body is heaving, desperately grabbing for air. Blue curls around him and holds him close, repeating, “ _My little angel. My beautiful, sweet little angel,_ ” over and over again.

 

Lance clings to her tightly, afraid to let go. He’s afraid that if he does, she’ll disappear. Or he will. He doesn’t want to die. The reality of death hadn’t really hit him until now, and he’s so scared of dying. It’s looming over him, and he wants to run far away. The only thing he can do now is hide inside Blue’s embrace and hang on for as long as he can. For as long as he has left.

 

Blue flicks her tail over his face again, wiping up all the tears. Lance is still crying, and she doesn’t know how to comfort him other than to hold him and reassure him that she’s here, and she always will be.

 

Something brushes up against her mind, and she stiffens. _Who_ , she questions.

 

 _It’s good to see you again, Blue_ , the presence says. She can feel the grin on his face.

 

 _How?_ He had died back then, along with Altea.

 

 _Part of me is with you always_ , he says fondly. Blue rolls her eyes. _Yeah, yeah. But seriously, the bond between us was made of quintessence. This bond slowly bled over and mixed with our own quintessence, and so we became permanently linked. It’s kind of similar to how Alfor’s quintessence was stored._

 

Surprise emanates off of Blue, and the stranger picks up on it. _I’ve seen your memories Blue. I know what’s happening._ He looks down at Lance. _Can I talk to him?_

 

Blue trusts him. She really does, but she’s been isolated for thousands of years before Lance became her paladin. And after Zarkon’s betrayal…. _How do I know that I can fully trust you?_

 

The stranger’s ears droop. _You really don’t trust me?_

 

Frantically, Blue tries to reassure him. _No! I do! It’s just that- it’s just that Zarkon’s witch-_

 

The strangers head shoots up. _Zarkon?_

 

_Yes. He and his witch can manipulate quintessence-_

 

 _He’s still alive?_ How? _It’s been_ thousands _of years!_

 

_His witch, Haggar, can manipulate quintessence. She was probably feeding him quintessence, or made his quintessence loop around. It is also possible that the quintessence that Zarkon was exposed to 10,000 years ago is what’s keeping him alive._

 

The stranger struggles to form words, horrified that that _thing_ is still alive. Backstabber. Betrayer. He wants to dwell on this, but he shakes his head, pushing his rage and hurt aside. There’s nothing that he can do about Zarkon, but he’s confident that he can help the young paladin crying into Blue’s fur.

 

 _Can I talk to him?_ he asks again.

 

Blue looks at him, long and hard. The stranger shifts uncomfortably. He hates it when people do that. _You know,_ he says, gesturing to himself, _If you stare at me any harder, people’d think you were trying to see what’s under my clothes._

 

Blue snorts. _Definitely you. Yes, you can see him. His name is Lance. Hurt him, and I will_ maul _you._

 

 _Yes ma’am_ . He salutes. _But I’m going to need to borrow quintessence from you to take form. You’ll disappear until I’m done._

 

 _That’s fine. Anything, as long as you help him._ Blue smiles softly, purring. _It’s really good, seeing you again. I missed you._

 

 _Same here Blue,_ the stranger says.

 

He closes his eyes, and his brows furrow as he concentrates. When he places a hand on Blue, a stream of densely packed, glowing white dots of energy flows from Blue to the stranger until Blue’s form disappears. The blue stranger takes her place, determined to help the young paladin before him.

 

* * *

 

Lance was huddled up against Blue, sobbing, when she suddenly went quiet and still. “Blue?” He asks, voice wavering. When he gets no answer he calls her name again. And again. And again. He still gets no answer, and he starts to panic. “Blue? Blue? Why aren’t you answering? Blue?”

 

He ducks out of her embrace, backing away. “Blue?” She’s unresponsive, and Lance is afraid. He approaches slowly, and taps her on the head. Still no response. He climbs on top of her. He tugs her tail gently.

 

When nothing works, he backs away again. This time, he turns and runs. But as he gets further and further away, the light fades, and darkness returns. The same abyss that surrounded him earlier. It grabs his arm, and Lanec immediately realizes he made a mistake. He yanks his arm out of the darkness, and runs back to Blue. There’s a black mark on his arm, just like the one on his leg.

 

Even though he returns to Blue, he stays a few feet away from her. He can’t stand the fact that she’s quiet and still. She’s gone. She… she left him. She left him like she said she wouldn’t. Lance curls up into a ball, sitting upright. He buries his face in his knees as he sobs, shoulders shaking.

 

A purr draws his attention and he looks up to see Blue shimmering. He looks closer and finds that he can see through her, and she grows more translucent with each passing moment.

 

“NO!” Lance cries, lunging for her. His hands pass through her. “No no no no no no no,” he chants to himself. Blue can’t be gone. She can’t be. She promised she wouldn’t leave him!

 

Tears continue to roll down his face, and he turns and runs. Blue is gone. No one’s left. Lance guesses that the light will disappear soon, but he has nothing left to lose. He runs towards the darkness. He’ll go out fighting, though it won’t be much of one.

 

He just reaches the edge of the sphere of safety when a hand grabs his shoulder, pulling him back. “Whoa kid. Whoa. It’s okay. It’ll be okay.”

 

He fights the person behind him blindly, flailing around. Panic blinds him, making him clumsy. He doesn’t know who this is, he doesn’t have Blue with him, he is alone, he is _alone_ and he is fucking _terrified_.

 

“Whoa,” the stranger says again. Gentle hands grab his fists, and the person behind him draws him into a hug. “You’re okay Lance,” he murmurs, “Shhhhhh. Shhhh.”

 

“What did you do to Blue!” Lance yells, still struggling, “WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER!”

 

“She’s okay kid. She’s fine. I’m here because she allowed me to be. I swear on my existence, she’ll be back as soon as I’m gone.”

 

That was the wrong thing to say, as Lance lunged for the strangers throat. The stranger jumps back, narrowly avoiding Lance’s hands. “ That’s not what I meant!” the stranger shouts.“Just _stop_ for one _quiznacking_ second!”

 

Lance glares at the person as he slowly backs away, hands in the air. “Who are you, and how do you know me.” The question comes out as demand.

 

“My name’s Blaytz,” the stranger says. “I was the previous paladin.”

 

“You-” Lance is stuttering. “You were th- the first paladin?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“What are you doing here. H- how?”

 

“Quintessence. But that doesn’t matter. Right now, I’m here for you.”

 

Lance shrinks back, arms moving up, ready to defend himself. “Quiznack.” Blaytz runs a hand down his face. “I didn’t mean it like that, Lance. I’m here to help you.”

 

“How do you know my name?” Lance asks still suspicious. He knows what Haggar can do.

 

“Blue told me.”

 

“And you really expect me to believe that?”

 

Blaytz takes a tentative step towards him, and when Lance doesn’t move, he walks the rest of the way to him. He stops a few steps away, but Lance doesn’t relax.

 

“It’s okay,” Blaytz says, “I can’t hurt you. I’m not here to hurt you. Even if I was, I wouldn’t be able to be here. This bond of quintessence between you and Blue is pure. It can’t be tainted, only severed.”

 

Lance lets his arms drop to his sides, but his body’s still tensed up. Blaytz takes the final few steps towards Lance. “Will you let me heal you?”

 

Lance nods after a moment's debate, and Blaytz runs his hands over Lance’s blackened arm and leg. The black recedes, until it looks like it had never been there in the first  place. Then Blaytz holds open his arms and says, “Come here kid.” His voice is soft and full of warmth.

 

Lance doesn’t know why, but he finds himself falling into the previous paladin’s arms. “I got you kid,” Blaytz says. “I promise, everything will get better.”

 

Lance grits his teeth, and his body stiffens. “Kid, it’s okay. It’s fine. You can cry.” Blaytz runs his thumb down the tear tracks staining Lance’s face. “It’s okay. I won’t let you slip away. Blue won’t let you either. We’re both here for you, little paladin.”

 

Lance’s forehead thumps against the older paladin’s chest, and tears leak down his face. As he cries, Blaytz hums. It’s an unfamiliar song, but as Blaytz hums, Lance is reminded of Earth. His home.

 

He’s reminded of his family and the oceans. He’s reminded of summer and rain. He’s reminded of late night parties and stargazing. The only thing he has to remind him of home now is the stars. But even so, the nothing’s the same. There’s no constellations he can recognize. All of the constellations are different, and it only serves to remind him of how far away he is from home.

 

Blaytz rubs his back, a solid steady presence, just like Blue, that only makes Lance cry more. Now that he can, the tears just won’t stop.

 

After a few minutes, after Lance can pick up the courage to talk, he asks, “Will it ever get better? Is there even any point?” His voice is so quiet that Blaytz can barely hear what he says. But when he does, his heart clenches painfully.

 

“I can’t promise anything, kid.” Lance’s heart sinks at these words. “I know people who’ve gotten better, but I’ve also known people who’ve gotten worse. I’ve known people who live on, stronger and kinder, but I’ve also known people who gave up.”

 

He sits down, bringing Lance with him. He shifts Lance so that Lance’s face still stays buried in his chest, blocking out the light surrounding them.

 

“But kid, I was in the same place you were, all those years back. Actually, I was…” he pauses, and his voice shakes a bit as he continues talking. “I was standing on a ledge at one point in my life. I was looking down and thinking, ‘Is it really worth it anymore.’”

 

Lance looks up concerned, and Blaytz chuckles. “You should be more worried about yourself kid. You need to look after yourself. Or better yet, let your friends look after you.”

 

Lance looks down at his hands. “I don’t… I don’t have-”

 

“Don’t tell me that you don’t have any friends,” Blaytz scolds. “You do. Hunk, Pidge, and even Keith. You have Shiro, your ‘space dad’, and Coran, your ‘space uncle’, and Allura, who, despite how she acts, cares for you in her own way.”

 

Lance doesn’t lift his face. “They don’t care. Except… maybe Hunk.”

 

“Are you sure about that? I know for a fact that everyone has visited your cryopod multiple times, and Blue at least once, to apologize. Even Allura. She feels horrible, you know.”

 

“So what.” Lance mumbles.

 

“But you need to know something Lance.” Blaytz pauses again, trying to figure out how to word his next sentence. “You come first. You should come first, before it comes to anyone else.” Lance looks up at him. “I spent a good portion of my life looking after others, but all the while, I was sinking deeper and deeper down into the darker part of my mind. Alfor talked me down from that ledge, but that didn’t last forever. I had friends, and I opened up to them and they supported me, but that wasn’t enough.”

 

Blaytz places a hand over Lance’s heart. “It took me so long, but I figured out that I had to come first. You, Lance, have to come first. People have wronged you, and you need to recognize that. You can’t keep making excuses for everything that people do. You shouldn’t feel obligated to forgive them if they apologize. It took me so long to figure this out, which is why I’m telling you now.”

 

He stops to take a breath. “Lance, you are the most important thing in your world.  Maybe someday you’ll find someone you love with every breath you take, with every thought you think, but you need to remember that You. Come. First. You should always come first.”

 

Lance has started to cry again. He hasn’t heard words of affirmation, of comfort, for so long, and now, after he’d given up hope on ever hearing them, he finally hears them.

 

“I should be going soon,” Blaytz says, “But one more thing before I do. If you want to go back, you need to believe that you can go back. You need to believe that things will get better, that the universe will open up and show you how beautiful it can be. You need to believe that you can get better before you can truly get better. If you keep pulling yourself down by believing that you don’t matter, that you’d bother other people if you open up to them, then you never will get better. The only way to get better it to believe you can.”

 

Blaytz smiles at Lance, and the corners of Lance’s mouth tip upwards. “You can do it kid I’ve watched you for a while-” Lance raises an eyebrow. “NOT like that. Geez kid. You’re just like I was. Am. But Lance, us blue paladins keep the team together. We are the heart of Voltron because we’re able to get people to work together, even those who don’t normally get along. That is what makes us, what makes you, special.”

 

Blaytz stands up, and helps Lance up. “Now go on kid.” He gives Lance a shove towards the darkness, but the darkness recedes, forming a path. “Keep doing what you’re doing. You make me and Blue proud.”

 

Lance runs back for one more hug. “Thank you Blaytz,” he says. Blaytz smiles.

 

Lance turns around and walks down the path. Behind him, Blaytz disappears, but Lance doesn’t look back. He keeps moving forward. The light behind him fades, but a light in front of him opens up. It gets brighter and brighter until he reaches a doorway of pure light. He enters, eyes closed, praying things will turn out okay.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Lance opens his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohmygoodness, I love Blaytz (or, the one I created). I want more fics with him, but there just aren't many.
> 
> So, was the chapter good? Bad? What did ya'll think of Blaytz?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I'm sorry I'm so late in posting this. I'll try and update faster next time. Anyhow, this is what we have for now (and there's more Blaytz!)  
> Enjoy!

Coran walks into the med bay, shoulders slumped, face downcast. A groan reaches his ears, and he looks up, eyes wide. “Lance!” He rushes over to Lance, kneeling beside him to help him up.

 

“Coran?” Lance is disorientated. The last thing he knew was that he was in one of the hallways, and now he wakes up here and the lights are too bright. It takes him a few moments before he can look at Coran.

 

“You were in the cryopod for seven quintents. We were afraid that you might never wake up.” He gently helps Lance to his feet.

 

“A whole week?”

 

Coran leads Lance to a nearby room and sits with him on the couch. “Yes. Everyone’s very worried about you.”

 

Lance frowns.

 

“Don’t give me that look,” Coran chastises. “They know that they messed up, and they want you back Lance. It was terrifying for everyone when you didn’t wake up when you were supposed to.”

 

Lance picks at one of the sleeves on his med suit. As much as he wants to believe Coran, he can’t help but think he’s only saying that to make him feel better. Sighing, Coran pulls Lance into a hug. “Give them a chance,” he says softly.

 

Lance leans into the hug and considers Coran’s request. He just wants to avoid everybody. He wants to keep to himself unless he has to, but then… There’s also a chance that Coran is telling the truth.

 

“Alright,” he mumbles into Coran’s shoulder.”I’ll try.”

 

“Thank you.” Coran pulls back. “Do you want to see anyone, or do you want to go to your room.”

 

“My room,” Lance answers immediately.

 

They stand up and walk down the hallways. They’re dimly lit, indicating that it’s pretty close to Earth’s nighttime. Coran had adjusted the castle to mimic Earth’s night and day cycles.

 

They almost make it to Lance’s room when they hear voices down the hallway. Lance stiffens and starts to pull away to run, but Coran drags him into a dark room. Footsteps echo down the hallway as someone walks right past them.

 

Coran turns on the lights, and Lance gasps. “What is it?” Coran asks curiously.

 

“Is that…?” Lance reaches out hesitantly, almost afraid that what’s in front of him will disappear.

 

“Oh. That. I made it quite some time ago, but it wasn’t quite right, so I never-”

 

Raindrops fall on Lance’s hand. Rain almost like Earth’s. The only difference was that it was colored blue. “Coran,” he breathes, “It’s beautiful.”

 

He runs into the rain, a grin spreading across his face. Coran makes a mental note to make sure to take Lance here often, or to give him access to the room. It’s obviously something that makes him happy.

 

Lance tips his face up and lets the rain fall on it. It’s cool and refreshing, and Lance sits in the grass, letting himself get drenched. He stays sitting until he’s soaked to the bone, and then a while longer. When he feels like he’s spent enough time in the rain, he gets up and walks to the door. Coran is still there, waiting for him. “This is amazing Coran!” he says, “How did you-”

 

Lance slips on the wet grass and falls. Groaning, he stands gingerly.

 

“You okay?” Coran asks. “That looked like it hurt. And right after you came out of the cryopod.”

 

“I’m fine.” Lance winces a he walks forward. “Well, almost fine. Maybe a bit of bruising, but I’m fine.”

 

“That reminds me,” Coran says, frowning, “I forgot to give you a look over to make sure that everything’s fine after coming out of the cryopod.”

 

“It’s not that important. Right?”

 

“Well, there was this one time-”

 

Lance slaps a hand over Coran’s mouth, eyes wide. “Nevermind. I don’t want to know.” Coran raises an eyebrow, slightly offended, but at that moment, Lance yawns. “Do we have to do the check-up now?”

 

Coran looks Lance over. “We don’t have to do it now. You need rest and a dry change of clothes. But first thing in the morning, we’re running a check up on you.”

 

“Yes sir.” Lance mock salutes, and then walks into the hall, down a few doors, and to his room.

 

“See you in the morning Coran,” he says before shutting the door.

 

He slides out of his wet clothes, into his robe, and then into his bed. Closing his eyes, he’s asleep within moments.

 

* * *

 

Coran calls a meeting for the rest of the paladins. They gather in the lounge, most in pajamas seeing as it’s time for most beings to sleep and recharge. “What’re we here for?” Hunk asks, yawning.

 

“Lance is out of the cryopod.” This grabs everyone's attention, and they immediately start to ask questions.

 

“What do you mean-”

 

“Why didn’t-”

 

“Where is he?!”

 

Hunk makes a break for the door, determined to go find Lance. “SIT DOWN!” Coran yells. The other paladins sit down in shock. Coran _never_ yells at them. Hunk sneaks back to the couch and drops down on it, his attention completely focused on Coran.

 

“Now _listen_ ,” Coran hisses. “Lance needs rest, and _none of you_ are going to disturb him. His body needs a natural sleep before he’s completely ready to face _anyone_. The only person who’s allowed to bother him until halfway through tomorrow is me. Do you understand.”

 

It was not a question.

 

He glares each person down. “And if Lance isn’t ready to face you, you will not hunt him down or corner him. You will leave him alone. Lance needs to be the one to reach out. You will let him come to you, otherwise he’ll never trust you again.”

 

“But how will we know that he doesn't hate us?” Pidge asks.

 

“It’s more of a matter of him knowing that all of _you_ don’t hate him. I’m going to explain things to him in the morning so he doesn’t spiral down any further than he already has.” Coran stands up, finished with what he wanted to say.

 

The paladins stay sitting on the couch, slightly stunned. Coran has never acted like that before. He’s normally carefree and kind to everyone. Allura gets up and chases after him, catching up to him before he leaves the room.

 

“I… I watched the battles we went through and Lance was doing his best. I messed up, Coran. He was excellent, and then I said I should.. That I should find a new paladin. I messed up so bad. What do I do?” She looks at him, eyes watering. “I didn’t mean to hurt him.”

 

Coran sighs. As much as he doesn’t want her anywhere near Lance, he’s also like her uncle. He spent a lot of time with her back on Altea, and right now, she admits that she needs to fix things.

 

“I can’t help you here, Allura.” Her face crumples even more. “ _I_ can’t help you. _You_ are the one who has to try and fix things with Lance, okay?’

 

“But he’ll never want to see me again,” Allura whispers, staring at the ground.

 

“Just wait for him. You have to be patient.”

 

Allura nods, eyes still downcast, but she manages to give him a small smile as she walks away.

 

* * *

 

Lance wakes up the next morning, groggy and sore. He stumbles out of bed, and into the bathroom. A look in the mirror lets him know he has bags under his eyes. Great. Halfway through brushing his teeth, he remembers that he has to go meet up with Coran for his check up. He panics. He should get down there. He doesn’t want to make Coran wait.

 

He hurries through brushing his teeth and throws on a shirt and pants. He slips into his slippers and walks swiftly through the hallways, clamping down the fear and panic rising in his chest. He rushes into the room, only to find that Coran isn’t there. Did he miss his appointment?

 

Coran sweeps into the room. “Hello Lance!” he exclaims. “You ready?”

 

Lance nods, and the ball of panic clogging his throat relaxes. “What should I…” He trails off, uncertain.

 

“Just come sit over here.” Coran gestures towards the table beside him.

 

Lance sits through the next ten minutes of the check up. It’s surprisingly like one that would be done on Earth. His blood pressure is checked, and compared to the rest of the paladins, he’s checked for a concussion, and his hearing, reflexes, and eyesight are tested.

 

“You’re as good as new!” Coran exclaims, a grin on his face. “Everything’s fine. Thanks for coming in, number three.”

 

Lance gets up as if he’s going to leave, but he lingers. He has a question, but he doesn’t quite have the courage to ask it. He’s afraid of the answer.

 

“What do you need to ask me?” Coran asks, picking up on his hesitation.

 

“Why…” he looks at the ground. He’s terrified of the answer, but he needs to know. “Why has no one” --he sniffs-- “has no one looked for me?”

 

“Oh, m’boy.” Coran wraps him in a hug. “I told them not to find you.”

 

“What?” Lance looks at him with hurt in his eyes.

 

“No! No, no, no, no. Not like that.” Coran pauses, shifting Lance back so he can look him in the eyes. “You needed space last night, and I didn’t want anyone banging on your door and waking you up.” He squeezes Lance’s hands. “You can approach them whenever you like. They will give you space, okay?”

 

“Don’t they hate me?” Lance asks quietly, looking at the ground.

 

“Never, Lance. Never. They wish to make things right again.”

 

Lance nods hesitantly, a small smile tugging at his lips, and he walks off to find the kitchen. He’s hungry.

 

He reaches the kitchen and pauses outside, before hesitantly looking in. Hunk is there. Lance shrinks back, but Hunk turns around in time to catch Lance’s eyes. Hunk’s widen in surprise, but he doesn’t do anything other than grab a stack of pancakes from nearby.

 

“Here,” he says, holding them out to Lance. “These are for you.”

 

Lance quietly walks forward and takes a seat at the counter. Hunk slides him a few pancakes onto a plate, as well as a bottle of what could pretty much be sugar water. It tastes like the corn syrup back on Earth.

 

Lance drowns his pancakes in syrup before eating them. Hunk slides in besides him. “Is... is it okay if I sit by you?”

 

Lance is startled, but he hides it by shoveling pancakes into his mouth. Hunk repeats the question, and Lance nods. They sit there in an unusual silence. It’s uncomfortable for both of them.

 

Hunk finally speaks up, causing Lance to flinch at the sudden break in silence. “Hey, so I was wondering… could we talk? Or sit down to watch a movie, or gaze at the stars?”

 

Lance looks at his questioningly.

 

“I just… I need to make this up to you.” His shoulders hunch, and his gaze is fixed on the countertop. “I messed up. I should’ve done better- I should have watched-”

 

“No no no,” Lance says, “It’s not your fault. You’re the best friend anyone can ask for.”

 

Lance can’t bring himself to say the best friend that _he_ could ask for. Hunk picks up on it.

 

“But I shoulda been there for _you._ And I wasn’t. That’s not okay. Nothing about this situation is. You’ve done nothing wrong, in fact, you’ve helped us out a whole lot. _We_ are the ones who messed up.”

 

Lance shifts uncomfortably. “It’s not-”

 

“Don’t you _dare_ say that it’s not my fault. Everyone here, everyone except for you, and maybe Coran, are at fault. You have done nothing, nothing at all, wrong.”

 

“M’kay,” Lance hums. He still doesn’t look up.

 

Hunk wants to keep talking, but he knows that it won’t help. Lance’s mind won’t change with just a few words. A few wrong words have undone years of being by his side, and words won’t help now. He’s not in a position anymore where anything encouraging he says to Lance will affect him.

 

Lance finishes his pancakes, and puts the dishes in the sink.

 

“Do you want me to stay with you?” Hunk asks gently.

 

“Uh…” Lance chances a look at Hunk’s face. It’s concerned and warm and gentle. His gaze darts back down to the ground. “Is it… is it alright if I kinda want to be by myself?”

 

“Of course.”Hunk walks towards the door. “Just come and find me if you need me.” Then he’s gone.

 

Lance lets out a shaky sigh, and then waits a few moments before moving out into the hall. No one’s there, so he moves down it, intent on reaching the hanger. He wants to talk to Blue.

 

He’s almost there when a door beside him hisses open, and out comes Keith, from the training room. They both pause momentarily. Lance tries his best to slink down the rest of the hallway, as unnoticed as he possibly can get even though he’s already been seen.

 

“Wait!” Keith calls. The words echo loudly in the long, empty hallway. Lance freezes.

 

“Umm… Can I talk for a moment?” Keith asks awkwardly. Lance nods.

 

“I’m.. I’m sorry I snapped at you,” Keith starts. “I was just really overwhelmed and I was trying-”

 

Lance starts moving down the hallway again. He doesn’t want a lecture, he didn’t even want to interact with anybody other than Coran and Blue. He thought that maybe Keith would fix stuff, or at least just apologize, but he’s not and Lance wants to be alone and he wants Blue.

 

“I’m sorry,” Keith tries again, head bowed. Lance looks back at him. “I’m making excuses and I shouldn't and I messed up and I’m sorry.”

 

Lance runs a hand down his face. “Can we… can we do this later?”

 

Keith looks hurt and Lance immediately shrinks back. “O-or not. Nevermind. We- we can do this now if you want.”

 

“It’s okay,” Keith says, “we can do this later. I’m guessing you’re heading to Blue” --Lance opens his mouth to protest-- “It’s _okay_ Lance. We can talk later.”

 

Lance stutters out an apology and a thank you in one breath, and then flees down the hallway. He bursts into the hanger and runs over to Blue. No one else is in there, thankfully.

 

“Hi Blue. Can you let me in?” he asks

 

She does, and Lance flops down into the chair. Lance takes a moment to catch his breath.It takes a few moments before his breathing calms enough for him to speak.

 

“Thanks Blue,” he says, “for bringing me back. I… I didn’t think I was coming back.”

 

“ _Always, little one_ ,” she purrs, “ _You are my precious little angel. I would do anything for you. Anything._ ”

 

Lance smiles a bit. “Can you also thank Blaytz for me?”

 

“ _You can thank him yourself, if you’d like_.”

 

“Really!?” He looks up, excited. “I would love to!”

 

“ _Of course, little one._ ”

 

Blue goes quiet, and her presence starts to fade from his mind. Lance hates it. Blue has a little part in his mind that’s there especially for her, and when she leaves, it gets dark and empty. It’s really uncomfortable feeling, and Lance can’t help but wonder if she’ll be back. But as soon as her presence disappears, another fills the empty place.

 

“Hi Blaytz!” Lance exclaims.

 

“ _Hello again Lance_ ,” Blaytz responds, “ _You made it out!_ ”

 

“Yeah.” Lance looks down. “Thanks for that. I just… things are…” He trails off.

 

“ _Nah, kid. I get it. You don’t have to say it if you don’t want to._ ”

 

“I… I want to. Saying it’ll make it… I don’t know how to explain it. Like, it’ll help.”

 

“ _M’kay kid. Just don’t push yourself._ ”

 

“Yeah. I... things have just gotten harder and harder ever since we got taken from Earth. I miss home. I really miss it and I wanna go back. And then there’s the fact that things have gotten harder. Things are so much harder now.”

 

Lance draws his legs up to his chest and takes a few deep breaths.

 

“ _Kid…_ ”

 

“There’s so much we have to do. We have to answer distress calls, fight off the galra, save whatever planets we come across. It’s more stressful than school. There’s so much more pressure, and we have to save the whole freaking universe and there’s SEVEN OF US. WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?!”

 

“ _Lance, kid, stop. I need you to stop._ ”

 

Lance stops talking.

 

“ _Good. Now take a few deep breaths. Can you do that for me? Yeah. There you go. You got it._ ”

 

Lance takes in slow, shuddering breaths. Blaytz exaggerates his breathing, making it slow and heavy so Lance can follow. “ _That’s it kid._ ” Eventually Lance’s breathing slows enough that Blaytz starts talking to him again.

 

“ _Lance, do you want to continue?_ ”

 

“I-” Lance takes a deep, shuddering breath. “I do.”

 

“ _Okay kid. Take it slow this time._ ”

 

“Okay. I- yeah. I can do that. It’s just that things are suddenly a whole lot harder. I’m so overwhelmed and everyone’s expecting things from me and I just can’t keep up. And then I mess up somehow and get yelled at, and it’s really not helping me. It hurts, and then it just keeps coming back again and again.”

 

He looks down at his hands. “Am I really that bad?”

 

“ _Lance, you do the best you can,_ ” Blaytz says fiercely, “ _You do more than they ask, and while you may not see it, you do amazingly well when you’re asked to do something. You have a knack for strategy, and you’re the sharpshooter. You work from the back. It’s okay not to be up on the frontlines and fighting._ ”

 

“But everyone else is.”

 

“ _But you’re not everyone else. You are you, and you work differently than then rest of them._ ”

 

“I know that. I know that sharpshooting is different from sword fighting. But that’s not gonna change my thoughts just like that.”

 

“ _I know kid. I know that very well_.”

 

Lance sighs. “Blaytz, you’re amazing, you know that?”

 

“ _You are just as amazing as me. It’s possible that you’ll grow up to be a greater paladin than I was._ ”

 

“Mmmm.” Lance doesn’t want to say that he doesn’t believe Blaytz. Not to his face.

 

" _My time’s up._ ” Blaytz says. “ _Keep up the good work kid. I’m proud of you._ ”

 

His presence fades from Lance’s mind, and Blue returns.

 

“Thanks Blue,” Lance says. "It was really nice to talk to him again.”

 

“ _Anything for you, my little paladin._ ”

 

Lance smiles a bit, and then hides his face in his arms. “Do you think things’ll ever get better?” he asks, voice muffled.

 

“ _In time, perhaps. You just have to be patient._ ”

 

Lance nods, and then stands up. “I’m gonna head back to my room. I’m kinda done with interactions for today. Thanks for being there Blue.”

 

“ _Take care of yourself, little one._ ”

 

“I will.”

 

Lance stretches and walks out of his lion. He heads right for his room, walking through empty halls. When he reaches his bed, he collapses on it.

  
‘ _One step at a time_ ’ he thinks. ‘ _I can get through this._ ’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! Sorry it's a bit shorter. I was having a bit of trouble figuring out what to write. But I think we're through that now. Next up, Pidge, maybe Keith again, and then either Shiro or Allura.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M ALIVE I PROMISE  
> Sorry I disappeared for like half the year. But I am back with a new chapter! Yay! I hope you guys enjoy and sorry again for disappearing.  
> Enjoy!

The next morning Lance drags himself out of bed when the alarm chirps for breakfast. He’s unsure about going. Other people will be there. Facing them is going to be hard because they now know everything about him. He thinks back to after the battle, after he received the wound to his side. When he got pulled out into the hallway by Keith. His memory is a bit fuzzy, but he remembers telling them about.. about his insecurities. About all the things that floated around in his head and tore up his heart.

 

Lance is scared to see how the team will react. He laid himself bare to them but he doesn't remember anything after that.

 

But when he gets to the bottom of his worries…

 

He’s not entirely sure if he trusts them.

 

Like, don’t get him wrong, they’re great people, but he’s been hurt enough that any trust he had had in them has faded.

 

Lance makes his way to breakfast. His feet shuffle along the ground, slowly moving him forward. He pauses before he reaches the door. It takes him a few moments before he starts to move again, gathering the small fragments of courage he possesses. He steps into the room.

 

Everyone turns to look at him, eating forgotten. Lance duck his head and hunches his shoulders, making his way over to the counter where the food goo is kept. He grabs himself a plate and tentatively sits near a corner of the table. As far away from most of the team as he can get. He still feels as though he’s at the center of the table.

 

The silence stretches until Shiro clears his throat, turns to Keith and loudly asks, “So. How was training last night?”

 

Conversation starts up again, quieter than before. Lance lets out a silent sigh and continues tentatively taking bites from his breakfast. He finishes half of his plate before he can no longer stand the constant glances so he gets up and walks on quiet feet away from the table. He feels gazes burning into his back and walks ever so slightly faster.

 

He lets out a silent sigh when he exits the room, and makes his way back to the room that Coran brought him to the other day. The rain room. He reaches the door and hesitates, wondering what to do about the keypad. He hadn't noticed it in the dark when Coran pulled him in. He reaches out a hand, and the door slides right open. Lance starts, before taking a few tentative steps forward. He stands under the doorway for a moment before sticking out a hand, letting the water drench it. He longs to take a step forward, but that means getting wet, and that means needing to go change and possible questions if he runs into anyone on the way back.

 

“Here,” a voice says from behind him.

 

Lance whips around, and then slips. Again. Stifled giggles come from the short, green figure in front of him. Pidge. He stares at her.

 

“Oh. Sorry.” Pidge holds out her hand. “I… Are you okay?”

 

“Uh…” Lance hesitates. “Yeah. I’m okay.”

 

He takes her hand and lets her pull him up. Which is a tad bit harder than expected. He almost slips again, but recovers.

 

“Here.” Pidge holds out the object in her had. It’s a canvas stretched over a frame and shaped like an umbrella. “I found this room a few phoebs ago. I thought something like this might be useful. I was able to get my hands on some pretty flexible metal, and snatched some canvas from Coran’s cleaning closet. I doubt he’ll notice. It’s such a mess in there.”

 

She trails off. She shifts her weight from side to side, like she’s waiting for something.

 

“Thanks,” Lance says softly, taking the umbrella. He gives her a small smile. The smile she gives him back is blinding.

 

Lance turns to leave, but is stopped by a hand on his arm.

 

“I…” Pidge looks past Lance at the rain. “I wanted to apologize for, uh, for the battle. For the way I acted. You’ve protected me so many times  and then I. I just brushed you off the one time you actually asked for help. So. I’m sorry.”

 

Lance stands there. He tries to speak but doesn’t have the energy to force words of encouragement or forgiveness out of his mouth. He looks down, and then quietly asks, “Is it okay if I go now?”

 

“Y-yea.” Pidge’s voice shakes. “Just… Lance? I want to say…” She takes a deep breath. “You’re strong. You’re not an in your face strong like Keith or Hunk, but you’re..” She pauses, struggling for words. “You’re like the glue that holds us together. You keep us together when we’re falling apart.”

 

Lance looks at her, eyes wide. Pidge lunges and hugs him. Lance hesitantly puts his arms around her.

 

“You’re also a pretty amazing sharpshooter,” she says looking up at him, eyes watering. “I’m sorry if we- if I ever made you feel less than what you are. You are amazing Lance, and I’m pretty sure that you are the only reason this team is still together.”

 

Tears start to trickle down Lance’s face. He lifts an arm to wipe them away, and Pidge hugs him tighter. “I’m so so sorry Lance. I’m sorry”

 

Lance tries to say ‘it’s okay’, but the words don’t make it out of his mouth. It’s really not okay. But he cares for Pidge and doesn’t want to hold this against her. “I… I forgive you.”

 

He holds Pidge tight as they both cry, letting out all the fear and hurt that they held. The rain pours down, soaking them, umbrella forgotten on the ground.

 

“We should go change,” Lance finally says, pulling away, voice shaky. Pidge nods, and they head towards their rooms.

 

“I’ll.. I’ll see you at lunch?” Lance asks hesitantly.

 

“Yep!” Pidge grins at Lance. “See you then.”

 

A soft smile breaks across Lance’s face as he enters his room.

 

LINE

 

Lance makes his way to lunch. He knows he has at least two, maybe three people who will be there for him. Hopefully it won’t be as awkward as breakfast.

 

A hand rests on his shoulder. He turns around to see Allura. Stiffening, he says, “My apologies if I was in your way Princess. If you’ll excuse me, I need to go eat.”

 

He takes off without another word, entering the room and practically fleeing over to where Pidge and Coran are. He doesn’t want to deal with Allura right now. He doesn’t need another reminder of how useless he is. Pidge launches into an explanation of what she’s working on, a sort of thermal imaging for their helmets, and Lance gladly lets himself be drawn in.

 

Lunch comes to an end, and Lance leaves, hoping he can avoid Allura. He gets about five steps out of the room before he hears her call his name. He almost starts running, but he forces himself to stop. He’s already been rude to her. He doesn’t want her already bad opinion of him to worsen.

 

“Is it alright if we talk?”Allura asks, perfectly composed.

 

“Whatever you want, Princess.” Lance walks into the lounge and sits on one of the couches.

 

Alura sits opposite of him, silent. She doesn’t speak for a few moments, and when she does, Lance flinches, surprised.

 

“I’m here to apologize, Lance,” she starts off. “I crossed a line. What I said was said out of frustration and untrue. I reviewed battles and I talked with a few people and I have realized that I was wrong in saying that you were falling behind and needing to step up or be replaced.”

 

She sits there, looking at Lance, as if she expects forgiveness. Lance sighs, standing up. “Princess.” She flinches at the cold word. When Lance continues speaking, his voice is distant and formal, matching Allura’s speech. “It seems that you do not understand the extent of the line you crossed. You told me that I was useless and in the way, and that it would be better for me to be replaced. So, my apologies. Your pretty speech is obviously rehearsed, and I am not inclined to believe that what you say is what you mean.”

 

He turns to leave. “Lance, please,” Allura begs, some emotion finally bleeding into her voice. Lance waits for her to speak. “I apologize for saying what I did. It was wrong. I… I blamed you when you were doing your best, when you were doing more than anyone else. I was too wrapped up in winning that I didn’t factor in anything else. I’m sorry.”

 

She looks down, arms crossed over her stomach, shoulders slightly hunched. “I have no right to decide whether or not you can be on the team. Blue chose you and the Lions choose those who can be the best paladins for them. I cannot take you away from Blue, and I apologize for saying that you were incapable of being her pilot.”

 

Lance stares at her, watching as she looks anywhere but him. “Princess… I understand where you’re coming from. I understand that we need to win and defeat Zarkon. But I am _trying_.” Allura chokes on a sob. “I have worked hard and done my best to win, but..” Lance starts to break down. “I- I don’t know if I can- if I can keep going. I have tried and tried and all I get is- is scolding a-and ‘try harder’ when I’ve done- when I’ve done everything that- that I possibly can.”

 

Allura is crying along with Lance. “I- I’m so sorry Lance.”

 

Lance goes and sits by her. When he speas, his voice is soft. “I… I’m just so tired of- of trying and then being pushed away because it’s ‘not enough.’”

 

Allura grabs his hand. “I’m so sorry Lance. I’ll do anything- anything at all- I can to make it up to you.”

 

Lance gives her a shaky smille. “I just.. I just want to get along again. Be friends and- and equals.”

 

“I want that too.” Allura smiles at Lance, her smile just as shaky. “So… friends?”

 

Lance nods. “Friends.”

 

* * *

 

The rest of the day continues on well. Lance avoids the people he hasn’t talked to yet. He knows that they’ll have to talk eventually, but he’s already talked with two people today and he’s drained. It takes a lot to be vulnerable and he needs to recharge. He needs company but he’s still uncertain around at least half of the team. He wanders to Hunk’s room, remembering his offer; ‘if you need anything, come find me.’

 

He knocks, and no one answers. He waits for a minute, before slinking back. Okay then. So… either he’s not there or his offer no longer stands. The only other place that he can think that Hunk would be in is the kitchen. He makes his way there, avoiding people as best as he can. He peeks into the kitchen, and there’s Hunk, busy at work. Hunk looks up and when he spots him, his face lights up. “Hey buddy! Come on in! I’m just putting this in the oven.”

 

Lance goes and sits on a stool. Hunk joins him. “What’s up?”

 

“I, uh, was wondering if we could do something?”

“Sure! What’cha want to do?”

 

“Uh…” Lance really hadn’t thought he’d get to this point. “What about a movie?”

 

“What movie do you want to watch? Or do you want it to be a surprise?”

 

Lance smiles. “Surprise me.”

 

“You got it. Meet in the Fort in thirty?”

 

Lance nodded. The Fort was a favorite. It was a room that was covered in pillows and blankets, and they had set up a projector on a blank wall so that they could play movies.

 

“Awesome! I’ll finish this casserole, pick up a movie from Pidge, and then meet you there.”

 

“Can you make popcorn?”

 

“Yep!” Hunk starts to move through the kitchen, grabbing a pan and corn kernels, setting up to make popcorn. Lance leaves and heads to the Fort.

 

When he reaches the Fort he starts moving around the blankets and pillows. He makes a nest out of them, the back higher than the front so they could recline and see the screen.

 

The smell of popcorn drifts down the hallway, and Lance cheers as Hunk enters with popcorn. Behind him comes Pidge. “Do you mind if I join you?” she asks, “I wanted to spend some time with you guys.”

 

Lance smiles. “I made sure that there’d be enough room for you. I assumed you’d tag along.”

 

“Awesome!” Pidge jumps into the nest and snuggles down next to Lance. Hunk settles on his other side.

 

“Pidge, would you do the honors?” Hunk gestures at the projector. Pidge scrambles over the edge of the nest and connects a small device to the projector.

 

The movie starts, and the a gravelly voice starts talking. “ _Long ago, in the far away land of ancient Greece…_ ”

 

Lance turns to Hunk. “You didn’t.”

 

Hunk smirks.

 

_♫ Back when the world was new♫_

 

“YES!” Lance shouts throwing his fist in the air. “I love this movie!”

 

* * *

 

 _“I wish to stay on Earth with her. I finally know where I belong._ ”

 

Lance throws his hands in the air. “Ohmygoodness it’s been _so long_ and it’s still AMAZING!” He shouts.

 

“He could have had _immortality_ , and he gave, it, up!” Pidge shrieks. “Why!?! Think of all the things he could’ve done. But noooo, a woman is more important.”

 

“Because he loved her Pidge!” Lance argues back. “That was way more important than his immortality.”

 

“But-”

 

“I’m with Lance on this one,” Hunk interrupts. “Literally the only reason he achieved immortality to begin with is because he was willing to sacrifice his life so she would live.”

 

“But _immortality_. It’s literally what everyone wants-” She pauses, and then a grin spreads across her face. “Guys. Zarkon. He’s-” She starts laughing. “He’s Hercules gone bad. He’s a dark Hercules.”

 

Lance and Hunk exchange a glance before breaking down into laughter.

 

“You are _so_ right,” Lance laughs.

 

“Guys,” Hunk tries to talk through his laughter. “It’s- it’s time for dinner. Get moving.”

 

They stumble down the hallway, giggling the whole way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! (And sticking with me if you put up with my disappearance)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *waves arms wildly* I'M BACK!! And I brought an offering. A new chapter! Yay!!!

Lance wakes up the next day and for once, within the past week, doesn’t feel burdened. Doesn’t feel lonely and unwanted. He smiles. Hoping out of bed, he makes his way to the kitchen to pick up some food. He’s still not entirely comfortable with being around some of the people on the ship, so he’ll buy some time where he can. Hopefully if he gets to the kitchen early no one will be there.

 

He steps into the kitchen, sees Keith eating, and nopes out of there. He is not ready to deal with Keith at the moment. He’s unsure how to interact with him. For some reason Keith seems willing to give Lance the space he needs and it’s kind of weirding him out. It’s something new, compared to the rivalry they always have.

 

Luck is on his side today because Keith has not left the kitchen to find him. So, now that the kitchen has been self-declared off limits, Lance heads to the rain room. He wants to feel the water on his skin. He stops by his room to grab an extra change of clothes because there is no way he is going to walk through the hallway dripping wet for a third time, and then continues on his way.

 

The door slides open and he leaves his dry closes underneath the doorway. It provides a bit of shelter for those who want to stay dry, and thankfully the rain falls without blowing everywhere, because then nothing would be safe.

 

He grabs the umbrella that Pidge left in the doorway, opens it, and steps into the rain. The soft pitter patter of the rain is soothing. It washes all of his worries away as he sits down, closes his eyes, and listens to the gentle beat.

 

When he opens his eyes again, he sticks out a hand into the rain, feeling the coolness of the rain and watching as it drips down his hand. He lets the umbrella fall back and lays on the ground, letting himself get soaked. He lets his mind drift through his thoughts.

 

He’s glad that he fixed things with Hunk and Pidge. They’re important friends to him, and he’s glad that they will continue to be his friends. He doesn’t know what he would do if he lost their support. He can’t imagine a world where he passes them by without a second glance, where they don’t speak, let alone hang out.

 

And then there’s Allura. He wasn’t expecting her to come and talk to him so soon, and when she did start talking, it had hurt. She had sounded distant and uncaring, like she was only  apologizing because the rest of the universe thought she should. He was glad when she started talking from her heart and not her head. He can deal with emotions better than he can with cold logic. It’s easier to respond to because there’s more of a chance that it actually means something.

 

His stomach growls, bringing his attention back to the present. Right. He hadn’t eaten any breakfast yet. He gets up, dumping out the water from the nearby umbrella. He leaves it by the door and quickly shimmies into his dry clothes. He heads for the kitchen again, dropping off his wet clothes.

 

This time when he looks in, Keith is gone. He walk in. “Hi Hunk!”

 

Hunk, cooking bacon, waves. “How are you doing?”

 

“I’m actually doing pretty good.” Lance grins, and Hunk grins back. “That’s great!”

 

“What did you make today?” Lance asks.

 

“Hungry?” Hunk teases.

 

Lance groans. “I’m starving.”

 

Hunk pulls out a plate from the oven, shovels a few pieces of bacon onto the side of it, and sets it in front of him. “Here you are! Some scrambled eggs, some platar hash browns, and some not-bacon.”

 

Lance is pretty used to Earth food made from random ingredients.

 

“What’s a platar?” he asks

 

“Well, remember that planet a few movements back where everything was rainbow colored?” Lance nods. “It was a fruit growing on a tree there, and the inhabitants made some pretty good pseudo-fries, so I thought why not hash browns!”

 

Hunk rambles on about the different ingredients he had found and what he’s using them for, and Lance smiles. He’s happy to be back in the middle of things and not on the outside.

 

The door hisses open and in walks Shiro.

 

Lance stiffens, and keeps his gaze on Hunk as he chatters. Half of his attention is on Hunk, and the other half has been diverted to wairily watching Shiro.

 

Shiro sits besides him, receiving a plate of food from Hunk. Lance ignores him as best he can, and finishes up his meal.

 

“Hey, Hunk, thanks for the meal.” He pushes out and heads for the door. “It was delicious.”

 

He steps out the door and runs straight into Keith.

 

“S-sorry.” The word stumbles out of his mouth. Keith is about to say something, but Lance keeps going. “I, uh, am on my way to the training deck. If you wanna talk after that, we can.”

 

Keith nods. “Where do you want to meet?”

 

“The Fort.”

 

With that, Lance walks off. He makes it around the corner before his hands start to tremble slightly. He tangles his fingers together behind his back so it won’t be noticeable, and heads to the training deck. He hadn’t really wanted to train, but then Keith had showed up and the first thing that popped out of his mouth was that he was going to train, because he saw Keith and he instinctively thought training.

 

He makes his way into the room and takes a weapon from the gigantic rack on the wall. They only use bayards when training as a team, oor if they want to refine their skills. Lance is just here to work on his accuracy.

 

“Begin,” he calls, and there's a whining noise as a sentry bot pops up from the ground. He takes it out immediately.

 

A beep rings in the room, letting him know he’s passed the level 1. From here the bots will adapt to the person or group fighting and improve until it reaches level 10, in which the numbers start increasing as well.

 

The next bot starts off running, and Lance stands his ground, making sure his aim lines up before firing. It’s better to take time to aim because if his aim is off there won’t be a second chance. The bot goes down with a shot to the head.

 

The next bot comes from behind. Lance only dodges out of the way because his hearing picks up the hiss of the system that brought it up from below. He turns as he skids out of the way, shooting it in the leg. It gives him time to back out of its reach and make the fatal shot.

 

The next levels are progressively harder as the bots learn to close in fast and fight close distance. They start coming from anywhere in the room, and Lance drops into a state of hyperfocus, any sound or movement drawing his attention to his opponent.

 

Then multiple bots start to appear. And they start appearing with guns.

 

By this point Lance is slowing down. But he grits his teeth and pushes through. He can do this. He will prove he can do this.

 

Lance takes down bot after bot. Each shot is carefully taken to either kill the bot or to give him space. He takes out the sniper bots first so he doesn’t have to worry about distance attacks wearing him down. It works for a level or two before the bot numbers increase, forcing him to deal with the close combat bots before he can get to the snipers.

 

Finally he gets taken down by a sniper from behind. He feels a strong shock to his back, and then a long beep rings in the room and the bots disappear into the floor.

 

He sinks to the ground, heaving in breaths. He lays on the ground, and slowly his breathing even out. He wants to stay there until he feels ready to move, but he pulls himself up and heads to his room. He has to clean up and then go meet Keith at the Fort.

 

His legs shake as he returns to the room, his adrenaline wearing off. He hops in the shower, enjoying the warm water. After he feels suitably clean he throws on a new change of clothes and heads to the Fort.

 

“Hey Keith.” Keith looks up from a book.

 

“Hi.”

 

“What’cha reading?” Lance asks as casually as he can.

 

Keith’s eyes widen and he sets the book besides him, partially hiding it under his leg. “Nothing interesting.”

 

“Really now,” Lance asks with a slight laugh in his voice. One way or another, he wants to see that book.

 

“Yep. Not at all interesting.” Lance raises an eyebrow, but he lets it go.

 

“What did you want to talk about?” Lance feels awkward asking the question. He already knows what this’ll be about, but he doesn’t know how else to start the conversation.

 

“Well-” Keith rubs the back of his neck. “It’s about the whole.. thing.”

 

Lance sighs, knowing he’s going to have to push this. “The thing where I’m totally insecure and feel like no one cares?”

 

Keith winces. “Yeah. That.”

 

“What about it?”

 

“I’m sorry Lance. I didn’t mean to accuse you of not doing enough.” A silence follows.Keith looks down, pulling at strings on a blanket in his lap. “I don’t really know what else to say. Just that I’m sorry.”

 

Lance decides to accept that.

 

“Thanks for the apology. I appreciate that you’re willing to own up what you did.”

 

Then he leans over Keith’s legs and grabs the book. “A Laurasian’s Journey?”

 

Keith makes a desperate grab for it, but Lance holds it out of his reach, laughing slightly. “Nuh uh. Not till I know what it’s about.”

 

Keith opens his mouth as if to argue, then slumps and lets out a sigh. “You will take this to your grave,” he growls.

 

Lance nods. Keith holds out his pinky with glare in his eyes but the tiniest smile on his face. Daring him to challenge him. Lance locks their pinkies together, grinning.

 

“M’kay. So, its it's about this Laurasian who leaves his planet and basically becomes a space cowboy, going wherever he wants to and doing whatever he wants. He sees _tons_ of planets and goes on adventures through mountains and fights kalazas, which are basically giant pink sentient bears out to eat everybody..”

 

Keith babbles on, his eyes light up. He goes from the setting to the characters to the theories he has to what he thinks will happen to him at the end. Needless to say, Lance doesn’t leave the Fort for the next few hours.

 

* * *

 

Lance stumbled towards his lion. The alarm was blaring, loud and jarring. It traveled through the hallways and into rooms. There was no way to miss it.

 

“Hey Blue,” he pants, slumping into the command chair. “I made it. You ready to go kick some Galra butt?”

 

Blue growls approvingly. “ _Let’s go_.”

 

They shoot out of the hanger, rapidly gaining on the oncoming fleet. Lance starts right out with firing Blue’s cannon, taking out row after row of ships. But, like last time, they kept coming. Lance keeps fighting though. He will _prove_ he’s good enough. That he can do it.

 

The tide of Galra grows, and the Lions start to drift apart in their battles. Just like last time. They have to struggle on their own. Lance pushes himself and Blue. They need to win. Blue’s cannon fires non stop as she weaves up and down, in and out. Lance stares at the other lions. They need to get there. His narrowly avoids a shot to Blue’s flank, rolling out of the way.

 

“Sorry Blue.”

 

“ _We will get there, cub. I promise you. But we will not be any good if we are in pieces_.”

 

Lance’s shoulders huch slightly, but he keeps his eyes on the battle.

 

“Sorry,” he offers again, voice softer. Blue purrs, and Lance relaxes. They're okay. He's okay.

 

A shot singes Blue’s jaw, and she roars.

 

“BLUE!”

 

Lance’s breathing comes hard. “Come on Blue. We can do this.”

 

“ _I’m fine_.” She’s not. “ _We’re almost through_.”

 

A wall of Galra ships rises in front of them, cutting off any glimpse of the other Lions.

 

Just like last time.

 

“Guys, I….” Lance hesitates. The comms crackle, silent.

 

“Lance?” Coran’s voice is gentle, and carries a note of worry.

 

“Nothing. Sorry. I.. Blue’s been shot. I’ll try and reach everyone.” He turns the comms off, returning his attention to the battle.

 

He has to get through the sea of Galra. He needs to help his team. He needs to help himself. He can’t drag them down. Not again.

 

He charges the sea, however hopeless it may seem. All that matters is reaching the other paladins.

 

He digs into the sea, pushing against the overwhelming fleet. He gets pushed from side to side tossed around. But. He's moving. He's going forwards. He can do this. He _can_.

 

He breaks through the other side. The other lions glimer, shining as they dance around the Galra. And yet. They’re so far away. Lance and Blue had gotten pushed back. And now there was way too much ground to make up.

 

Lance turns on his comms.

 

“Guys.. I might.. I might need some help….”

 

No one responds. Lance gulps.

 

“Guys?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand cliffhanger here we go. Ya'll, we were getting to comfortable. It was too easy. So, naturally, we must bring back the angst. I hope you all enjoyed it, and I will try to post a little faster. So. See you next time!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I came back!!!!! Here's the last chapter. I'm like starting to run out of ideas and I'm not so good at fluff so imma end it before I bring in more angst. Enjoy!!

The comms crackle to life.

 

“Lance?” Shiro’s voice comes across loud and clear.

 

Lance starts, and then leans back in his seat, heaving in breaths.

 

“Lance?” Shiro asks again, sounding slightly more worried.

 

“I’m here.” Lance pauses. “I…. I might need backup?”

 

“We’ll get to you as soon as we can Lance,” Shiro promises. “We have our own battles to fight.

 

Lance stiffens. He hears the echo of Shiro’s word from the last battle. ‘ _As a paladin you should be able to deal with it._ ’

 

“O-okay.”

 

He shrinks back, pulling away from the conversation. It looks like he’ll have to get through this on his own. His trembling hands grab Blue’s controls, firing the thrusters. He’s pushed back into his seat by the force as he guides Blue through the sea of ships. They weave around ships, attempting to bypass the bulk of the fleet. The fleet immediately adapts, unlike the last battle, flowing into his path, keeping him cut off.

 

“We gotta merge like last time,” Lance tells Blue. There’s nothing else. Nothing else that would get them out of here.

 

Lance closes his eyes, trusting Blue to protect him. He inhales, attempting to quiet his fear. He feels for his end of the bond, finding it. It glows a brilliant blue, as bright as Earth’s sky. He tugs on his end, and can feel Blue tugging on her. He draws himself towards her, and they meet in the middle.

 

When he opens his eyes again, they flash yellow. He merges with Blue, growling. They will take their enemies down, no fear, for They have nothing to lose other than Their lives. They streak forwards, easily dancing through the Galra ships. None can keep up with Them. Their jaw blade is out, taking out any ship within reach, and Their tail cannon fires constantly, taking out the enemies further out.

 

They reach the other side of the sea of ships with only a few scorch marks on Their side. Scattered in front of Them are the other paladins-lions, holding their ground. Blue-Lance turns back towards the sea. They are determined to take them out. They must prove Their worth.

 

They dive back in, a vicious monster, swift and deadly. They bite. They claw. They bodyslam. They use any weapon at Their disposal. They will win. They must.

 

They fight until there are no more to fight. They turn back to the paladins-lions. The paladins-lions are done, waiting for Blue-Lance to finish. There’s no other enemy in sight. Blue-Lance huffs, and then They become Blue and Lance again.

 

Lance blinks, his eyes blue again, takes a shuddering breath, and then tears stream down his face. No-noone came for him. No one listened. They just- just left him to fight like- like last time.

 

Lance sobs, oblivious to the worried voices over the comms.

 

* * *

 

Lance makes his way back to the Castle, throat raw, face red. The other paladins had already gone back.

 

He lands in the hanger, checking for people before he leaves Blue. He makes his way to the rain room in silence. Once there, he throws himself into the pouring water, laying on the ground. He curls up on his side, back to the door, and lets the rain wash over him, blankly staring into space.

 

It's not long before the door hisses open behind him, but he can’t bring himself to see who it is.

 

“Lance?”

 

Great. It’s Shiro.

 

Lance doesn’t respond.

 

Footsteps squelch on the ground until Shiro stops next to him. He crouches down next to Lance, holding the umbrella out.

 

“Lance. Let’s go get you into something clean. And warm.”

 

“Don’t wanna,” Lance mumbles..

 

“Please Lance. You can come back later if you want.”

 

Lance sighs a long, drawn out sigh, but gets up. Shiro grabs his arm to steady him, but Lance shrinks back. He still doesn’t want to deal with Shiro. Still… unsure about it.

 

They walk back to his room in silence. Lance can’t drag his eyes off of the ground.

 

“Lance,” Siro starts, hesitant. “Are you.. okay?”

 

“No.” His voice is blunt as he crosses his arms over his chest.

 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t get to you. I know I said I would. But you did admirably.”

 

Lance shrugs.

 

“You did,” Shiro insists. “Especially considering-”

 

“Considering nothing.” Lance fiddles with the sleeves of his jacket. “I just... do worse than everybody else.”

 

“Lance…”

 

“I do. You told me yourself.” Shiro winces, and Lance covers his mouth, eyes wide. “Crap- Shiro, I didn’t mean-” He shifts away from Shiro. “Sorry.”

 

“I did.” Shiro sighs. “I did tell you that, and I’m not proud of it.”

 

They walk in awkward silence until they reach Lance’s room.

 

“Sorry Shiro.” Lance’s voice is small. “I didn’t mean to… to attack you, like that.”

 

“It’s…” It’s not okay. Shiro tries to find the right words. “I understand. You’ve been stressed.”

 

Lance’s next words are so quiet that Shiro only hears, “Thought… doing better… apparently… mistake.”

 

“Lance, no. You are getting better.” Lance didn’t intend for Shiro to hear him…

 

Shiro speaks slowly, pulling the words from his mind as he goes. “No one gets better in a day. I would know better than anyone else. It’s going to take a while to heal Lance.” Shiro flexes his metal arm, watching the metal gleam. “I’m still healing. And it's been ages since I- since I was tortured by the Galra. It takes time, Lance. Things don’t work out easily, but you’ll get there.”

 

Lance smiles tentatively. Shiro gives him a quick hug, before heading back down the hallway. Lance watches his retreating back until he rounds the corner before heading into his room.

 

His thoughts whirl as he gets ready to sleep, constantly returning to what Shiro said. He had expected that things would heal easily. It always turns out that way in stories. But then… this isn’t a story. Things are rough and painful. As is evident by the past week.

 

Lance forces his thoughts to quiet. All but one.

 

‘ _Things don’t work out easily, but you’ll get there._ ’

 

He had heard snippets of what had happened when he wasn’t around. Pidge and Keith fought. Others shut down. He hadn’t realized that he had that much of an affect on people. He obviously doesn’t want it to happen again, because he wants them to be happy. Not in pain. Not like he is. But they actually cared about him...

 

Blue buts into his head, rumbling in agreement. She pours waves of affection over Lance as he drifts off to sleep. He can do this. Shiro believes in him. Blue and Coran love him and will protect him. And he has all his friends to support him.

 

A smile crosses his face.

 

He’s not so unwanted after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand there's the end! Yay! I hope you guys enjoyed it!


End file.
